It's been a long and exhausting day. Chapters were once again closed, stories neatly tied up with a conclusion. I never expected my love life in Adelaide would amount to anything to be honest, but I am always hoping that I will meet someone who will love me for who I am.
Today I found out that someone did. I was unsure about it and second guessing myself the whole time, thus I am glad that he finally came clean. Like Katy Perry's song 'Hot and Cold', sometimes I knew for sure that he liked me, other times it is very vague and clouded. So turns out that my guess wasn't wrong.
Having a crush on someone is a good feeling, but thinking about it can be really stressful. I am confused about Nesh. I think we're best friends on a platonic relationship but he claims to love me like partners in a romantic relationship. It's very scientific, but platonic and romantic both have the same amount of comfort level and happy chemistry/strong bond, but in this case, I have no idea whether we are best friends or more than friends.
One thing I do know is that I always miss him when he goes missing in action. When he disappears, I always want to call him, get frustrated waiting for his reply, and start to realise I need his company more than just a mere 'friend'. It's all very confusing, that's why I am embarking on a test to find out more about my feelings.
I think he could be 'the one' because we get along without any need for external stimuli and it is so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. He'd even listen to me talking about my family for hours on end on the phone. Currently, I know that he loves me, and I know that I love him, but I am not sure in which way, do I love him like a best friend, or can I actually consider him to be someone I date and stay in a long term relationship with?
The important thing is not to lie. Not to deceive anyone about my feelings, even in this diary entry, the truth has to ring louder than anything, otherwise we'd have a repeat of YiPing's diary episode. I want the truth to unfold. I want the outcome to be beautiful no matter what. I think I already know that I love him, I cannot bear the thought of him leaving me, no longer hearing about his personal secrets, no longer talking to him casually, freely, and all that... Just don't know whether that counts as love. Because I don't know about the kissing part. I mean, I have to be okay with kissing someone if I'm considering dating them in a proper relationship. I am always overthinking and seeing way too far ahead. But no, I won't use him like a pet. After all he's said and done for me, I can't afford to do that. Nothing halfheartedly. Just a simple yes or no.
But there's so much more there is to it than the answer. Just think about the implications and situations. But he said, it will be worth it. Because I'm worth it. Now the question is, is he worth it? Have I finally found someone and suddenly I'm no longer single? To what extent, how far will we go?
