Soul Searching Complete

Finally, my soul searching has bore fruit! The journey started unconsciously of course. You know the age old question of ‘What keeps you up at night?’. Well, mine is not knowing who I am and what I want in life. And becoming really insecure seeing everyone else live out their big dreams and aspirations. My close friends think I worry and think ahead too much! When I freaked out about the image consultant trainer’s advice to ‘always have a strategy in life and how you approach everything you do’, I consulted Alice and she told me to relax. That living peacefully and taking care of yourself is more than enough on one’s plate. And that most people are simply living their day-to-day life without planning ahead.

In some teachings, it is said that the greatest thing you can do is to ‘live in the moment’. Because a moment only happens at that time. Specifically that one time, that one moment which you experience it live. Yet our mind sometimes skip ahead and think of what’s next when it hasn’t yet arrived. Yet other teachings, advice us to always have a strategy and battle plan ready. Shall you be called to war all of a sudden, you already have your battle plan ready.

What I personally arrived at, after a long time of obsessing, is that we will go through life in phases and stages. When we were younger, it was very distinct- kindergarten to primary school, secondary school etc. However, thanks to analysing one of my life’s biggest inspirations, Taylor Swift, I know that our phases aren’t just defined by age and our schedules. It is defined by the things we love, our emotions, our experiences of experiencing anything major or minor, big or small, significant or insignificant, and how we feel throughout as well as how we deal with the aftermath.

Through her albums, you can definitely see how her experiences with various things have affected her and how she has matured to handle conflicts and drama, and even matured enough to put an end to friendship feuds and have courage to bury the hatred and trust again. It just goes to show that without a care, Taylor has always done what she wanted without worrying about what people would say, not caring about the public perception when she’s dating a boyfriend or breaking up with a boyfriend, she just does what she wants because she feels it is right. And not feeling the need to justify to anyone, receive public praise, approval or think herself worthy of the attention. The way she lives is truly fearless.

And even when dealing with some repercussions of what she happened to become involved with, she managed to rise gracefully above the noise and prove that she is not someone who will give up on herself. I’m so happy that she’s in love again and hoping that, as she said in her album notes, that this person deserves her, and in turn she will treat the person with care, as that person is someone who is willing to make sense of her crazy world.

My personal quest is now complete. The first part at least:) I have finally come to a conclusion. Hurray! Yay, me!

From here on, I have established my personal branding. Everything I do in life from here on will fit into these 3 pillars (because 3 is a good number!:).

LEARN. LAUGH. LOVE.

LEARN.
The unexamined life is not worth living- Socrates 
Creating a ‘school’ environment! I realise what is missing in life is the fact that we shouldn’t stop learning once we leave school! We all learn subjects, excel at some and then do poorly at others, but nothing is a zero, as long as there is effort made, there is progress! The thing to do is to pursue knowledge and continue learning, reflecting and learning, and it’s okay to fail and make mistakes along the way! Better to have failed than to have never tried at all, right? :) Align learning to interest to make it fun! No subject is truly dull or arduous, only the way it is presented or taught:)

LAUGH
Laugher is the best medicine. 
Look at the bright side of things. Cheer up! :) Believe in good and always give the benefit of the doubt (meaning doubt less and trust more!:) Joy and humour. Infuse your mind with positive thoughts.

LOVE
Serve each other humbly in love.
One teaching says that we are all visitors on Earth, and will soon depart when the time is up. Use your existence on Earth to do good by spreading love and kindness to everyone. Treat everyone with care, especially the ones closest to your heart and never take anything they do or the person themselves for granted. Remember, the person might not always be with you (everyone’s time is short on Earth!) and even if they are with you for what feels like an eternity, they don’t owe you anything. It is up to you to show them the path of kindness as kindness brings about more kindness (the cycle of giving and receiving love).

Enchanted moments

Paying tribute to all the moments you cheered me up, amused me and brought that wondrous ‘wow wow factor’ back.

(Nov 2019)- When you showed me on your phone that you would drive crazy distance at crazy hours. 28 km. 3 am. 4 am. And then I Googled Map, and realised that from my home to Aloft, is only 24km. Still another 24 km (home-Aloft distance) plus another 4 km= 28 km. Almost 30km like how I drove from home-PWTC. Crazy distance at crazy hours after crazy day at work. And even gig. You said you can't do it everyday and I know how tiring it is. (I took off on the next morning usually, or wake up super late:)

(Oct 2019)- When you immediately poured and mixed an unknown substance into your drink:) Because I tasted it and said it was sugar:)

When you wanted to bring me out on a date “Lover album surprise” and I was thinking of whether to wash my hair for the outing or not:)

When I said out loud ‘when you jiggled my thighs’ and stopped people in their tracks and they all turn around:)

(Dec 2018) - When you thought I made condoms:) I offered you a hint on one of your gifts that ‘I made it myself and it’s small enough to fit in your wallet and carry around anywhere’:)

(2018 & 2019) - When staff at the hospital and hotel staff referred to you as my husband:)

Lover

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? 

Thank you for keeping me company and taking care of me while I was sick, bored and tired.

Thank you for buying me water (even before I could ask) and remembering that I needed small change for the parking.

Thank you for defying my expectations of just eating supper and actually going out for a movie date randomly (unplanned) and paying for everything (my RM10 hot chocolate and the movie ticket).

Thank you for surprising me with the Taylor Lover party, and buying the CD for me. Not to mention taking all my photos patiently even though I don’t even know how to pose. And sacrificing your family day (Sunday) for me and coming out during the daytime.

You have really proven that you paid attention to my needs and wants, my likes and my desires. And you are doing everything you can to keep me satisfied despite your insane working schedule and workload (reaching home at 3.30 A.M. and waking up again at 8 A.M. for work) and lack of sleep.

I know that I can sometimes live in love and happiness but not be aware of it. I conclude that the best thing I can do for us is to let you be yourself, support your passions in life and be there for you.

 I am loved by you and I want to love you right and do right by you. Let us always treasure each other through life’s up and downs, the exciting and the mundane, the achievements and the failures, the celebrations and the conflict.

Let’s see everything through together always.