Helpful blog advice

Snippet 1:

Focus on yourself (fullfilling your individual life and individual happiness will work wonders for the relationship! As it brings POSITIVENESS- improves mood, enhances energy of the relationship)

All I can say is we as women focus too much on the relationship and worry about what he is doing and not doing. This behavior comes across to men as being needy which makes them run. The key is just do nothing. I know it sounds different. Just relax and watch how the relationship flows.

I've been reading books and joined some blogs to help me understand my man. Mine is extremely masculine. I'm feminine so how can I know what he is thinking? Google "a new mode" and sign up for their news letters. I've been following the tips that Eric Charles gives and my relationship with my man is better than its ever been in five years.

I also read these books "why men date ****", "why men marry ****" these books tell you just let the man be the man. Let him CHASE YOU. You NEVER want to chase a man. It took me 8 weeks to get to this point of peace and joy in myself. I've adopted the attitude of I am living my life and loving me, if my man wants to join in my happy train then he has to jump on. I'm not going to drag him or try to convince him. It's worked wonders. Try it and see for yourself. Basically never let him know he has you 100%. Let him feel like you have options. You don't have to verbally say this. 

But your actions will show him that you are secure in YOU, he is not the center of your universe and you are OK with or without him in your life. This attitude takes the pressure off him and makes him want to do more for you. I am over 40 and I am just now understanding why my past relationships have been ****. I was doing it all wrong. Love him, but love YOU more.

Good luck.


Snippet 2:

(Unless you are married or living together with your partner) They can’t be there for you when you need it

This is one of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship. Over the last year and a half of long distance, I’ve had a couple breakdowns. One of them was in the wake of a family accident, another was when I got stranded at the train station with no money and no way to get back home, another was when my bike got sideswiped by a car.

Ryosuke was in class both times. I called furiously, crying, and wasn’t able to reach him. And even when I was able to reach him, he could only comfort me with words. Words only go so far.

When you are in a relationship, you will need your significant other there when you fail a class, get in an accident, have a family crisis, or just a ‘normal’ mental breakdown. You long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend won’t be able to hold your hand when you’re sick, hug you when you’re crying, or take you to the hospital after an accident.

The Simple Plan

The plan is to not make a plan, at least not a concrete one with (time specific) goals. Because as he puts it: Man proposes, God disposes. I had a hard time understanding this quote as it seems that everything in life (except the ceasing of life itself) is well within our control. Well yes, certain things are fated. Some things are just miraculous, happenings that are either coincidental or unexplained- a result of fate and destiny of God's doing. Thus, my traditional thinking- as a result of culture and society- is to do as I have always believed to be 'the right thing to do': to graduate, get a job, get a degree, get married, have kids. Falling in love is somewhere there for most people.

For me, it has already happened. A real long term relationship is so different that what I had expected from the romance, fairy tales, dreams of getting married and happily ever afters. It's the world of reality. I've always wanted to say: "Let me be disillusioned for a while. Let me be innocently ignorant and blissful for a while longer". But then, reality kicks in and there is no more fairy dust to keep you floating. My head is no longer in the clouds, my feet is firmly planted now. It is quite a strange thing. There is no love potion or magic fruit. As young love blossoms, it is unable to sustain past the honeymoon period without strong bonds tied with love, respect, faith and commitment.

I have three aunts (in their late 40s) who are unmarried. Loved strongly by family and friends, but unloved by men. Or perhaps they rejected the men that loved them. Or perhaps no man loved them enough to want to create a new life and make a living together. All these scenarios, once understood in a rational voice, makes me less anxious. Less perplexed. I was surprised when Grandma said: "There's no need to get married. Only if the husband is truly good. Don't marry a husband who is too rich, he might stray." I found myself taking a liking to listening to her "words of wisdom" about relationships and her perception about our loved ones. For Aunt, for her to be Dad's wife is still an unthinkable concept. Being family is perfectly fine, but being more than that? Fullfulling a motherly role and caring for the family is not mind-boggling, being a wife is. There has to be some sort of familiarity established from romantic love or courtship beforehand. Otherwise, I would be witnessing something that has never quite occurred before in my life. It's like a modern version of arranged marriage.

Anyway, as I grow older, I get the idea of how life works. Cruel but beautiful at the same time. Taylor Swift just said that, that kind of selfless love (normally found in unrequited love) is beautiful, and that eventually you will find someone that loves you back just as selflessly. I guess human beings really are still a consequence of survival of the fittest, placing your own importance above others. That is why one cannot expect too much sacrifice and commitment from a relationship (A relationship is still two individuals with their own lives). While devotion and love has to come from both sides, it is important to remember that your partner is not actually an extension of you, at your command to do your bidding or to please you every minute. Your partner has to be given healthy rein of his personal space bubble to still be an individual with his own thoughts, friends, work, leisure, etc.

After all, we're only human. Selecting a mate for life is already hard enough, given the masks and pretences that we put on to fool other people. I guess how I knew our relationship is still solid is because although we've had our number of fights (and crying together and huddling/cuddling afterwards), I've never had to put on an act to gain his approval or to make him like me. Maybe the reason why humans get so stressed is because we actually don't have the same freedom as wilds animals in the animal kingdom. We establish so many rules, coupled with cultural/societal norms and peer pressure, it's no wonder we get a feeling of being trapped in our own lives sometimes! The ones that really, really, don't give a sh*t are probably the happiest people on earth. It's too bad that most of us aren't... I care, he cares, he cares, she cares, basically not everyone has thick skin. On a brighter note, it's great to note that I am a  completely 'natural product' of myself, albeit affected by hormones and pheromones, when I'm with him. I may be moody or upset sometimes, but I am completely at ease and feel secure and loved with him.