Am I sincere enough in my daily tasks? Do I really want to contribute? Do I really feel like teaching? Am I just doing it for the compensation and ego? All these thoughts came swirling the moment I became one of the less fortunate person that needed help.
And I now say- pay it forward! Let the cycle of good deeds go round and round. A few days after Raye picked me from the car service centre for a lunch catchup, I was picking Michel up from a car service centre.
Then a few days after I dropped off my best picks, favourite old books, I was totally helpless and stranded at the roadside with my malfunctioning car. The sign that I thought I took off from my board, 'Angels have come', was still there. And it wasn't just a sign. It was a hand-written quote that I wrote on my personal board the moment I collected my thoughts and experiences of my Sabah Mount Kinabalu trip. I never would have maide it up there with the support of my guide. And when I was suffering stomachache going downhill, I never would have guessed how my partner speeding up and helping me to carry hte heavy load would motivate me to complete it till the end, on my two feet and one stick. I was pale, exhuasted and uncomfortable, doing my best not to be grumpy, and it was the moral support and knowing that someone else was there on the journey with you, that carried me through.
As clichéd as it sounds, knowing that you are not alone is very encouraging. This happened again today- when I just needed someone to be on the phone with me until the help arrived. It happened again when I didn't even realised that I had to submit the forum screenshots as part of the assignment. Had I not checked the group messages and had someone not reminded me, I would have only submitted the written report and mistaken that the forum screenshot goes under another submission.
My ego makes me think that I am better on my own, trying to put myself in a superior, elevated, better position than others, but in actual truth. anyone can be of help to another. Anyone- from any background- can be of service to others if they are sincere.
Which brings me to the point... the security guard was sincere in helping me... he pushed my car all the way to the side of the road and vanished (I did not even manage a thank you as I was still in a state of disorentation).... The policeman, who was also a tow truck operator was so sincere in his help that he fixed my car for no reward. Rejecting even a RM10 tip. I was worried I had insulted him when I gave him money when he was purely doing it out of the goodness of his heart without any expectations. I would expect that for a man in his position with not a very high salary, he would take anything that he could get (especially when he earned it!) because a little goes a long way, even if it's just a pocket money.
It was Dad's idea to tip. And in this aspect, Dad is almost similar to Liam. However, I do realise that while everyone loves money, not everyone would take cash in their face, especially when they are just being real nice. It feels depreciating when you try to pay them off for their kindness. Since I can't help them back anytime soon as our paths are unlikely to cross ever again (nor would I recognise anyone due to my goldfish memory), I decided to best way to return the favour is to pay it forward.
Instead of just splashing money to charity, a great effort but somehow a more convenient one, to do things with a sincere heart and in a sincere manner (without expectation for even a 'thank you' or any acknowledgement) is in fact, one of the kindest act you can do.
It basically ties back to karma yoga. Doing good for the society.
