Nightmare

 Today I was awoken in the early morning just before 7 A.M. by a nightmare. The details will be revealed later... However, all I knew was that the first thing that was a natural reaction to me was to check whether I had muted Liam's notifications and to my own surprise, I had already unmuted it some time back! 

Feeling relieved, I then started to scroll through our pictures together, silently giving thanks to the Universe and the Gods, and then proceeded to calm myself down with Teacher Nicole's meditation audio. With my eyes kept open all the time, I decided to draw the curtains back to look at the sky and some greenery (there's a tree that lives on my neighbour's rooftop). 

Now back to the dream. It was super scary because of how realistic it was. Some of the details are modeled after my real life details. Firstly, I had gone out with Liam's (not in this real life) friends- some guys and two girls- who (as with his real life housemates) neither like or dislike me. They weren't fond of me that I knew, but at the same time, they did not display any outright mean behaviour too. Perhaps this fact was always in my subconscious mind and close to my heart- as I knew this to be true at hand, that they were still having trouble warming up to me and accepting me wholly- due to no fault of my own, but more because of their past experience. 

In the dream, I was hanging out with the guys and girls with no Liam in sight, at a restaurant that we could order lots of meat. Nobody attempted to keep a conversation going with me. I was observing what they were eating. And somehow everyone spoke in mainland Chinese! LOL. I noted that I wanted to tell Liam very much that, 'Hey... did you know that one of your guy friends don't eat beef?' and wanted to see his reaction. However, at the end of the party, the two girls called me Liam's fiancée, 未婚夫 -were the exact words -which translates to wife-to-be. They said it is really good that we are having a start up - and something indicated that it was in the F&B business- like an actual restaurant or cafe- because they said they were looking forward to the cuisine/tasting. This must be from my subconscious drilling of the whole entrepreneurship episode with my Dad and also partly due to the influence of the Rich Dad Poor Dad book and not to mention a handful of friends who are successful entrepreneurs or starting a business. 

After that I was supposed to go home before- the time skipped here- it was already really late close to curfew. NOW THIS IS WHERE THE NIGHTMARE STARTED (the part of his friends being somewhat aloof to me isn't an issue- because in the dream itself- it proved that I was still chosen by Liam to be his life partner-and they did look up to us and give us blessings for our ventures!). 

NIGHTMARE- I parked at Mid Valley (yes Mid Valley even made it to my dream!) and for some reason as I was leaving I said goodbye to a beautiful female influencer (who had just finished performing in the mall). She offered to take me in her car to the car park but I declined saying that I parked at another area - which comes in via a different entrance. This part was super realistic because I acted and said exactly what I would say - that I need to go (enter and exit) from the same place I parked, otherwise I won't remember how to get there to my car. So very like me! 

I left then to get in my own car but somehow the parking was a nightmare! It was super narrow and just like a F1/driving video game, I had to wing it! I made it through some tricky curved bend turning by stages! But there was one I couldn't clear, and I started falling... falling... falling.... The car park was open aired (more like Sunway than Mid Valley)! My car tumbled out from the multi story and it was like a James Bond movie scene- falling through the air from a height. Surprisingly, I survived my some minor scratches to my legs only and THIS IS WHERE THE NIGHTMARE GETS TWISTED. 

I couldn't get HOME home. Somehow my auto-pilot self made it to a place (looks like either an apartment or a budget hotel)- as it has doors. It could be a budget hotel as the doors are now numbered I recall. My heart instinctively knew which numbered door to push open and yes it was unlocked. NIGHTMARE ALERT:  When I pushed open the door, I saw my first ex- lying there- naked and covered in semen- he had just ejaculated! The graphic details were very graphic- the dream got it all right- from the colour of his skin, hairy legs, probably even the semen covered body and the male organ (which thankfully I didn't see- as the dream focused on the presence of semen). 

My dream self reaction? I RAN SCREAMING to another room! I locked the room and then MY PHONE SCREEN SHOWED- with THREE SIMULTANEOUS CALLS! In my panic and frenzy, I was sliding to pick up all the (or any!!) of the incoming calls! 

I could see JOLIN, FADZ and LIAM calling! And then I thought 'Oh no! It must be 11 pm or 12 already and I haven't come home! They are looking for me!'. I slid and slid desperately, and finally could get through Jolin's call. ALAS!! SHE COULDN'T HEAR A THING! I was on call with Jolin but she wasn't aware of my voice or presence at all- nor the situation I am in - and the most ABSURD THING was - at this point, there was an update about Jason- narrrowly missing out on bring the fastest runner for some virtual run. It was in some online headline. Grrr!! Anyway, first ex managed to peek above the door and noticed I was injured (slightly). I don't recall any actual words or conversation or empathy or concern.

All I knew in the dream was that I had to get home to my fiancée. Had to get home to my fiancée. So you can't keep me here! 

When I woke up, I was SO RELIEVED and GLAD and HAPPY that I ended up with Liam. Hence, my immediate first natural reaction was to check my phone contact of him- and whether he was still on mute! Oh my goodness, I was still surprised myself that I had muted him some time back- which  meant something important - I had decided to let my guard down once and for all. And take on any risk of getting my heart broken- like my worst fears of unanswered texts and calls, 'disappearing' / ghosting- to have NOTIFICATIONS ON means that when my phone is not on silent (though 99% of the time it still is), I will be hearing the familiar 'ding' sound of incoming messages. 

I also remembered thinking to myself that it was strange that it was my first ex who showed up unpleasantly in my dream- when I never pined for him! Instead I was wasting a lot of time and energy pining for the second ex. But you see that's just it! The answer and truth was embedded in my subconscious mind all along! If my second ex never pined for me, he would definitely NOT show up in my dreams because the matter-of-the-fact was that he would never come looking for me. He never did show any signs of interest in having a real (tender and loving) relationship with me anymore after our breakup. 

I think that in my subconscious mind, I had realized it all along. That it was a one sided recovery effort. And that throughout the relationship, whenever any crack formed in the relationship, I ALONE was the one who tried to patch up and repair the crack. He would shut down and leave after every fight. Leaving physically. Ignoring calls and not returning my long texts. Ignoring multiple calls. Wait it off and go gigging and always I was the one to come with my head bowed, tail wagging like a dog! And like a dog! Coming back to the owner and begged- please love me, love me, let us make it up and forget. I know this was a destructive PATTERN that I could not get out of- as I was already in it. Somehow, I am GLAD in hindsight that when it had blown up and destructed- he had been cruel, cold and firm. Yes, he had entertained my calls- but was still prioritizing himself and giving me no time of his day. Even told me off for wanting his time. He had driven me to doubts that I could no longer keep up the one sided act- trying to keep something that has blown up: it's like keeping remnants of a rubble from a building that was totally demolished, or trying to save a food well after it's expiry date and it had probably gone bad. 

This morning, I was an EARLY RISER for the first time. I knew that all my walls had come down because of this. I can say I LOVE YOU with all my heart this time and imagine our future together. While I was showering, I was thinking of keeping my BODY HEALTHY so that I can live a long life with Liam. I need this body to be healthy! To have his kids...his babies! Our children! I haven't thought about the growing old part together yet, but I know I want to have fun travelling together and having adventures together. 

I won't attach. In Buddhism, we must go through all areas of our lives and see where we are most attached, and then realise that IMPERMANENCE OF LIFE itself. That thing which you are attached to - it is in fact impermanent. It might change, evolve, in many ways or it might cease to exist. IMPERMANCE means nothing stays. At least not in the exact same way that we expect it to forever. 

I will love... and I will love.. I will love you, Liam as long as fate allows it and as long as I shall live. Thank you again to the Universe and to all the Gods for finding my match- who cares about me- HE SHOWS IT, SAYS IT, AND MEANS IT! Today I am also going to eat his homemade cooking of pork knuckles- and all because he made a thoughtful gesture, thinking highly of me. I had mentioned to him over the weekend that on Monday, both my Dad and Aunt were going out for medical checkup, and that dinner was on me. He was so thoughtful that he wanted to contribute a dish too! To 'help' me make dinner in a way:) However, the order couldn't arrive on Monday- it was delayed to Tuesday- which is my yoga day. So I opted for Wednesday instead. 

He asked me if I still wanted the food and haha, of course I do! I never hesitate to try all of his cooking- his labour of love for me- but I do need to do a better job of not forgetting what I've tried! He mentioned that he had cooked scallops for me before (but for the love of me, I just can't remember that ever happened). So yes, thank you for making an effort to love me, and for not getting mad at me over the little things!

Thank you Universe for making my life a blessing currently. It had me thinking that no matter what shit I go through and was put through by other people, Liam's reaction was saying 'That is life' repeatedly like a mantra! A very nice mantra which leads me to thinking that 'No matter what, I will just focus on the happy parts of my life that I can control- because IF I CAN HAVE THAT (bonding and time spent with loved ones) IN THE END- nothing else matters! Nothing else should faze me for long!

Lessons learned from Fruits Basket

 1. Relationships with a power imbalance is not healthy and never going to work out for the long run

2. If you deny your true nature, you will hurt yourself and end up hurting others 

3. It is never too late to change yourself and reform your attitude towards life, no matter what you have caused or endured in the past

4. It is normal to yearn for acceptance of others, but not at the expense of losing yourself

5. You can't control or bound feelings and people

When it is time to let go, let go. What is the point of holding back someone who doesn't want to be here? You have already lost them the moment they decided to leave. 

6.  Life is impermanent (even for a God)

When the Cat rejected immortality, it was the right thing to do. When the bonds are broken, signalling that nothing - no promise, no bond - is eternal. 

Even if you wrap a string around somebody and dictate how they live, they will still NOT be yours to command and keep. And even if someone is loyal to you, there is no eternity in life, everything passes on, everything dies. 

7. You can't tie yourself solely to one identity and let that define every aspect of your life forever because that is the only thing you are familiar with

This point is for Akito - the moment she can accept her new identity once the bonds are broken, she is no longer trapped. For the rest of the zodiac members as well, they need to start anew now that they no longer have an identity to cling onto. 

Momiji said it best when he told Akito that he will move forward and carve out his own life- despite knowing that even he no longer knows who he is, and that all his wishes never came true- he would still live bravely and happily. 

8. The grass is not always greener on the other side, but be brave enough to explore 

9. You can say 'no' to people in power while obeying them and still subtly let them realise there is something wrong with their behaviour

Shigure managed to keep his cool. While he never disobeyed Akito, he has also never bowed down and played puppet to his God, his master. He is cunning and has his own agenda, even making Akito have doubts about him. 

10. Learn the share the spotlight with others, even if the affection of ONE person means the world to you, let yourself be selfless enough to give them room to admire others or indulge in others

When Akito's Mom was overly obsessed with her husband and refused to share his love for her (the spotlight) with another being, even if that was her own child. The evil Akito would have never been born if her Mom has accepted her from the beginning.

Being selfish is no way to treat anyone, and treating anyone as a 'posession' to 'hoard' is all wrong, leading to mental health problem (e.g. co-dependence) and creating an unhealthy environment for both the partner and whoever he loves.

11. If you want to leave any form of legacy behind, do it with meaningful everyday memories and cherish the simple things

Being loved by others and leaving a legacy behind is simple. You just have to truly care for others around you and make the most of the small things- those are the moments that people cherish, knowingly or unknowingly. The simple 'Tadaima' and 'Thank you'. The simple act of being a friend in need. E.g. Tohru's friends for having an overnight pyjama party - being in solidarity with her- when she is overwhelmed with the Soma family secrets (the night when she found out Akito was a girl and the reason why Rooster guy can't leave). 

E.g. Kagura as a child playing with Kyo as a child- which Kyo appreciates and says 'thank you' because he finally had someone to play with (regardless of whatever Kagura's reason was). 

12. Open up your heart to see others who might be suffering if you take the trouble to understand the motives behind their actions

Everything Tohru does to every single character who has difficult struggles in their lives. Some people may look fine now, but they may carry dark secrets or scars that only they can heal once they are ready. Tohru's role is like a Mother- she patiently listens, waits, trusts, and extends her hand of love and acceptance to them repeatedly- again and again- staying with them, acknowledging and accepting them- no matter how they may see her (e.g. as a nuisance). Her persistent, sincere and steadfast kindness eventually finds a way to make them lower their guard just enough for them to take charge and own up to their past/own up to their emotions, until they are ready to make the change within themselves. 

13. Sacrifice isn't all loud and self-declaring (ego flashing), it is often done silently, dutifully and invisible behind the scenes. Extreme (in movies/anime only!): You may even have to hurt yourself to sacrifice for another

The Horse zodiac- Rin- embodies this value the best. Everything she does for her partner was not known to anyone but she still risks her own life (and gets tortured in the process I may add). But her resolve for sacrifice is noble, resolute and unwavering. When she was thrown off the balcony, she had no regrets, and when she was locked away in exile, she had no regrets, all she cared about was that her partner was safe and happy. Her only regret was not being able to break the curse earlier/sooner for her lover's sake. 

Another example is choosing love over selfishness. An untold sacrifice which is weaved into someone's story permanently but it is not shown or flashed around. The sad story of Hatori - the Seahorse- he chose to erase his fiancée's memory and let her go. 

Hatori could not stand watching her guilt and despair (she was psychologically brainwashed by Akito thinking that she is responsible for Hatori's eye injury. Hatori's eye was injured when Akito flew into a rage and lashed out after rejecting their marriage- they came to inform him and seek his blessing).  

She goes on living a normal human life (without ever knowing Hatori's existence nor remembering their relationship) and marries someone else. Obviously, Hatori chose her happiness over his- he knew deep down that even though they were together, she was being torn apart and her happiness, their happiness is just not in reality's cards (as Akito has ruined everything). Rather than hanging on to her for his selfish reasons, he let go of everything that was dear to him. So that she could live and smile again, even if that was a world without him. 

Sometimes, the most painful decisions have to be made for someone else's happiness. Being selfish will just bring both of you down. And one person's sorrow, guilt (or burden) will just consume the darkness and leave no light in the relationship. 

14. Even if someone else can't value you, there is always be another who will value you. The quickest (and easiest) way is to find value in your existence is to help others. 

This goes back to the story of Yuki being so tormented by Akito that he begins to fall ill and loses hope and meaning (with Akito asking 'are you going to die now'). Just when he thought he would do the world and everyone else a favour by dissapearing (because 'no one needs me anyway'- a sad by product of Akiko's evil words instilled in his brain), he was wandering endlessly on his verge of death. Here, he sees a missing child Tohru and guides her back to her Mom. The first scene he first sees Tohru's distressed Mom and realised that (without any hint of jealousy/sarcasm) that there are some mothers who value their children after all. When Yuki was guiding Tohru back, he suddenly feels fullfilled and full of purpose because 'she is depending on me right now' - which is baby Tohru following Yuki desperately trying not to get lost/be left behind. Once Yuki has done the deed, he feels a sense of relief, gratitude and happiness all at once seeing the lost child reunite with her Mom. In his head, he thinks, 'So I am not completely hopeless after all. I can do something right. I can make someone's day alright.'. 

This important story highlights that you do not wait for redemption and acceptance. You do not put your life on hold to keep waiting, because what if it never comes? At that point, Yuki was still locked up with Akito as the sole person he sees daily - besides some household servants who does not interact with him- and a cold hearted Mother. Yuki uses that chance encounter to turn his life around by MAKING SOMETHING HAPPEN with his own hands, by choosing to TAKE ACTION himself  to do a GOOD DEED. If he has indeed truly given up 100%, he could have kept walking, felt jealous and even sadder by seeing another loving parent, or wallow in self pity and self-blame. 

Which is why at the end of the anime, Yuki bravely stands up to Akito by saying 'I forgive you too Akito. I do not blame you anymore, in fact I choose to stop blaming you, Mom and even myself. Instead I want to improve day-by-by and look forward to life.'  

15. Step out of a loved one's shadow/identity/memories and their expectations in order to move forward with your own decisions and 'be free'.  Start a life where you only answer to yourself and be true to your heart's desires. 

Tohru and Akito are both holding on to their Mother's and Father's (respectively) identities so tightly that it overshadows who they are in their own personal lives. Once Tohru is able to make peace with her Mom and 'let her go' (understanding that she can welcome new love in her life- Kyo- without disappointing her old love -Mom), she is able to move forward. The anime makes this a very solid point with her letting go of her Mom's hand (and the happiness they had together), and running to embrace her love, Kyo. 

For Akito, the weight of her Father's expectations and identity drilled into her at a young age to be a God and a 'special' child, plus the responsibility of being the head of household (male) made her into something which she has known her whole life. Akito has never been able to consider another identity and carry the weight of her legacy until it breaks her mentally and spiritually. While she has made others suffer because she herself is suffering, her redemption only begins once she realises (even if it is through a tiny ray of hope) that all is not lost and that she doesn't have to be this way forever. If she can step out of the shadow, she can be reborn again and lead a new life. 

Her self awareness and soul awakening was the turning point for her doomed evil character, which was not doomed in the end after all, despite  'losing' everyone in the zodiac circle. She first begins to accept herself and her new identity before beginning anew while being mature enough to understand that not everyone will forgive her- 'min'na bikkuri shimashi-ta' (everyone was shocked)- and left it at that.  

16. When you accept someone into your life as your significant other, you embrace their past, present and future. 

When Kyo's curse is broken, he immediately tears off his rosemary bracelet, scattering the beads in every direction. Tohru however picks up the beads one by one and keeps it to remind both herself and Kyo that the Cat was once an identity of Kyo's that he should not be ashamed of. 

While you love someone for the person they are right at this moment, loving them also means that you will be open to embrace all the possibilities and choices that they will make in the future. Tohru supports Kyo's decision to relocate to a remote training area and stay with Master, and she takes up the invitation without a second's hesitation, even though it will take her away from her home and the one place where she has loved ones. Her love for Kyo makes her wants to be happy with him anywhere, as long as she can be by her side (soba ni iru). 

Emotional, Physical, Financial, Spiritual Partner

 At the age of 28 turning 29, I have finally discovered what it takes to have a long lasting happy relationship. The five love languages aside, what really mattered to ME was the three main aspects that makes or breaks it. It has to follow a progressive order like this: 

1. Emotional

2. Physical

3. Financial

Emotional giving & receiving - Contrary to popular belief, you can feel lonely in a relationship. You can feel lonely surrounded by friends, or even in a crowd. All the above is possible when you don't have emotional support by the person you love (and who loves you back). Support here is characterised by the true nature of being both a giver and receiver. You are generous with the needs of your partner and do your best to reassure them, giving them compliments, encouragement and an occasional confidence boost. This could also mean motivation, a pat on the back for a job well done, or being there when they are down in the dumps, offering your support without judgement or contradiction. 

It could also mean letting yourself be their first sounding board for ideas, experiments, and case studies- such as when you taste a new recipe for the first time, when they cut their hair and let you see it for the first time, a new investment or purchase they made and showing you for the first time, etc. On the receiving end, you should feel cared for, loved, supported and able to express yourself in a positive or carefree state of mind instead of feeling anxious, needy or insecure around your partner. Sometimes, it is important to first fix your own personal problems and not project it on to your partner to control the outcome, when the cause is not them in the first place. 

Most importantly, emotional threats and blackmail should never be used in a healthy relationship- e.g. threatening a particular outcome for a particular behaviour, or withdrawing affection as a form of punishment. All thoughts/expressions should be transparent and discussed, rather than left unsaid. Do not let resentment build up, clear confusion by speaking your feelings truthfully and discuss any points of improvement when rational and calm (not while fighting). Do your best not to yell and hurt each other in any way, and apologise if one has taken it too far.

Physical attraction & chemistry - While physical attraction can kickstart a relationship in the first place, it won't go beyond the stage of a fling (brief romantic/sexual encounter) without emotional giving & receiving and emotional commitment. It means that while you are crazy attracted to each other, you are also confident that they can be the one you call when you are in distress, they can be the one to love you unconditionally enough to bail you out of troubled waters, and they will never manipulate you, shame you, judge you or put you down.

It also means that good looks and competence don't overtake one's ego, thinking that one is more superior than other. While you are attracted to each other, both feel and act like partners on the same level. Both are equally open to learn from each other, supports the other person's journey, and forgives each other's mistakes while still having the hots for each other. 

Both are equally lucky and blessed to have the other. No one puts anyone on the pedestal because each knows their worth individually. It means you know you're a catch, and the other person is too! You are not superior or inferior to each other, you are both humble and grounded and blessed to be partners who support and root for each other. You both allow each other freedom on what to do with your lives while being considerate to include each other in the big picture. 

Financial compatibility - This does not mean taking advantage of the other person's money or leveraging their finances. Rather it means that both of you have found that the other person to have a stable income (professional means to support self) and knows how to make responsible decisions regarding money. Each is also not far off from each other financially, making good progress with their own money goals, and reveals money decisions/ambitions transparently with each other, such as purchase of a new house, spending money on treatments (decisions made without consulting each other as money is each to their own), and money desires, such as travelling to New Zealand, buying a luxury car (again, each has individual money desires that doesn't affect the relationship since money to be spent is each to their own). 

It is perfectly reasonable to spend money for your own enjoyment (each has their own definition on how to splurge for enjoyment- e.g. drinking rounds and gaming nights, travel and BBQ with friends, some shiny new toy, etc). However, a good person is generous with money invested for the well-being and happiness of self love and love for others. 

Money is spent on self care (e.g. nutrition, cosmetics, relaxation therapies- e.g. massage/whatever works for the person, classes- training/education/courses), but the person will extend care to loved ones within their means (e.g. treats for someone's birthday, graduation, random food surprises, sponsoring a treat or experience other than dining- such as a virtual run, pet cafe entrance, etc). 

While this is not everyone's preferred love language, doing it from time to time shows that you are thoughtful of your partner's likes and favourites, or at the very least, helping them explore different tastes and trying out new experiences with you, which becomes a shared memory (regardless of how much they like the actual event/object as they get to create a new experience of trying out something together as a couple).   

To conclude, my relationship has survived the repetitive lockdowns (during the pandemic) because we have a strong emotional foundation (constant support, checking-in, reassurance and appreciative words & actions, allowing freedom, non-judgmental listening etc.) built on from the time we met. A little throwback: he told me he had a baby and an engaged ex almost all at once on our first date (which I calmly accepted with some questions to follow but no outward overreaction). 

Which is why TODAY he does not hesitate to tell me really DEEP PERSONAL STORIES like his favourite uncle with an almost fatal brain aneurysm, the search for a long lost estranged elderly blood relative (uncle to him, from his Mom's side whom she knew because she divorced the man), abusive ex of his Mom whom is Malaysian, and basically complicated dark secrets like this. But also trivial things like how his Dad knew the Philippines' Olympic weightlifting gold medalist (and their picture together, awwww!), how Jeff isn't from Cebu, but both Joenar, Johnlly and himself were, and how the no.8 in Olympic skateboarding is also from Cebu. Basically HE IS COMFORTABLE SHARING all aspects of his life, be it tragic or lighthearted stuff. And I know that because of him completely confiding in me no matter what the story is, I am free to do the same as well. There is mutual trust and respect for each other and no one jumps on the story to point out flaws/start an argument. 

Physically, our facial features don't change all that much and I find him still very handsome (with his fair skin and Western eyes & nose, rose coloured cheeks, and now very straight teeth lol) while he finds me beautiful (I think!). Each is keeping well in terms of fitness and appearances, none is lackluster. His height is a wonderful advantage and blessing, while there's no issue with his weight, and he complements that I am still skinny (although I am assuredly not), but it is great that we are both fighting fit (for now!). Therefore, our fire can be stoked anytime when we meet! I just need to remind him not to bite or chew on my lip while kissing so that I can enjoy kissing him more tenderly and for longer. More physical action awaits and he has proven he can make me come (even when I'm the one on top!). End of conversation.  

And of course, I am aware couples who are in harmony emotionally and physically (the first two essential criteria) might still fall apart if they are not on the same footing/same mindset financially (e.g. Polly's ex!), so I AM GLAD that we both are! We have been surrounded by loving, caring family members who are givers- of time & attention, and who love good food and enjoy celebrations/get-togethers. He himself is an uncle who loves to spoil his nephew with cakes and junk food, (even knows how to) discipline him and takes pride in the 9-year-old's accomplishments and spirited antics. He also frequently contributes to his parents birthday bashes and reveres his Grandma (who happens to like me by the way)! 

Meanwhile, I have been raised and spoiled by my Dad who still treats us meals on every outing and sponsors our family vacations. I can see that today Dad is ever so generous with aid to our neighbours (giving a huge sum of donation, volunteering for patrol duties, buying fruits countless times from neighbours) and surprisingly, we do receive in return! On my end, I have been more open to spending on loved ones (though in my mind I still think of it as money sacrificed out of for love) for instance, on Willow's medical bills,  GrabExpress when I send him handmade baked goods (which he has done handmade lasagna and transported it here too), some bubble tea treats for Jolin, and the very rare occasional dinner for my entire family. My next steps is to NOT think of it as money sacrificed out of love (as it would attract the same mindset), but to resonate with the philosophy of what a BLESSING it is for me to have someone close to me whom I can spend money on! Some university research (Harvard Business School and University of Columbia) also showed that it is more meaningful to spend money on someone else other than yourself- for the intrinsic rewards of making someone's day/making them smile and giving them a little token as a reminder of the simple joys of life. 

There hasn't been any big ticket purchases but I know that I will need to spend more once I start having and raising a family, therefore I am also very PLEASANTLY surprised that he is the one who brought to my attention and shared with me the Money Jar Method for managing own finances. Therefore, proving that financially, he has some valuable experience- balancing his own expenses while living independently (rent, groceries, Grab, etc.) and still being able to party every weekend while sending money home to Philippines, WHILE treating me! Quite the juggling act! 

Side note on giving: 

Law of attraction - when you give abundantly, you receive abundance. Therefore if you wish to receive anything in your life, you first need to give it; Bible verses- Luke 6:38 -Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you; Buddhism- Happiness is not having a lot. Happiness is giving a lot. (Buddhism) Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Final thoughts: 

With all emotional, physical and financial aspects of our relationship as solid as an Olympic GOLD medal, I am aware that there is also a spiritual/religious component that ties a couple/a family together through thick and thin. I am fortunate that while we are from different faiths, different religions, we are both still very open minded - I am a fan of Buddhist teachings (with my family being Buddhist but not deeply religious), while he is a fan of Stoicism (with his family being Born Again Christians and his Father devout). 

However, as long as we stick to good moral character and tread lightly on each other's grounds, I have faith that we will get along just fine on this aspect. I take inspiration from any ethical teachings as long as I understand the principles or quotes behind it. Came across (while writing this blog post) and decided to include *Exodus 34:6 describing God as compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, which I must say, is quite a nice model to follow for a relationship. Therefore I am setting this as must-have virtues:) 

*Bible verse Exodus 34:6

And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,"

Affirmation: 

May we both be compassionate and gracious to each other, slow to anger (and quick to forgive!), and abounding in love and faithfulness. <3

Fun lyrics: 

It was a Friday night 

We both swiped right 

Enchanting eyes

Innocent smile 

Asked him if 

we could grab coffee

He said yes  

the rest is history 

Husky dates & rainbow hikes

Christmas Eve and New Year’s kiss

Lockdown months and lonely nights 

But having you makes it alright 

P.S. Intellectual and artistic pursuits (if any) should be pursued at one's own expense, one's own leisure and not dependent on the other partner to fill any empty hole or any amuse you at your whim. If you have an intellectual connection or share an artistic connection with someone else other than your partner, it is fine as long as you know the motive behind your own actions (e.g. for intellectual and artistic growth, professional partnership or role model, and not for any romantic involvement). While encouraging each other to explore and enjoy new experiences is good for positive growth and relationship bonding, do not attempt to cajole your partner to commit to something that you alone are passionate about. Make sure you have friends and groups that you can spend time on a niche skillset or particular hobby with (e.g. artistic/sports/others- friends for fun runs, ex colleagues for badminton, siblings for karaoke and board games, girlfriend for travels, e.g. intellectual - virtual talk shows, wellness session Zoom event hosts, Toastmasters, etc.)