Personality wise

So, here I am, back after a long hiatus. Same old same old.

I've met a lot of new people and certain things have changed, though only slightly. In a way, I will still remain who I am and that is the hardest part to change- that I will always be who I am, always myself you see.

And as of now, there are still  a few people that matters to me. There is just this great unexplainable feeling of joy upon meeting and seeing them. Upon first sight, having a grin stretched upon my face is the norm.

Sadly, being the socially awkward person that I am, things tend to become humdrum easily. It just becomes ordinary sooner or later and if I'm not careful, I worry that I might bore them with no exchange of stories or words going on! Sometimes, I am lucky and I can get away with it , by just listening actively and commenting about things being said, and other times, chip in my two cents worth and add in bits that relates. Other times, when I'm not that lucky, I fail to find conversation starters and can just hang on, looking every bit as friendly and nice as usual but just painfully silent. It's hard not to notice.

I am actually not a shy person. I love having fun and getting to know people, especially in groups. And recent situations have proved time and again that I have no problem dealing with new acquaintances and speaking casually, especially if the partner(s) are very talkative, I can get along with them almost without a glitch. Having said that, it is pretty rare for me to initiate a conversation or bring up a new topic in conversations, I prefer much to go with the flow and just stay silent if I have nothing good that comes to mind to share.

However today is another different tale. In truth, a very meaningful day for me, as I had the opportunity to learn more about myself and the others, personality wise! The knowledge was certainly very useful and it was oddly, tremendously satisfying to see everyone being unmasked and have all our true colours revealed! In close proximity, almost right in front of each other, I would say!

Before this, I sort of knew that I was an introvert. Not always talkative, but easy-going, friendly and nice. Oh well, being in a communication course hasn't converted me from being an introvert to an extrovert, unfortunately! Although I do enjoy deep, satisfying exchanges with friends occasionally.

And before this, I had no inkling of what state my team mates are in. Although we've known each other for a little while now, it's funny to think that I have not let anyone into my world yet, and likewise I have not gained any personal info about their lives, only a general overview of their behavioural characteristics.

Amazingly, the personality test results were uncannily accurate! For me anyway! I am obviously not a leader,  charismatic or influential person, instead I am a steady, accommodating and supportive person. Nothing more than the truth here. Someone who thrives in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere without much pressure. (If that's the case, aren't I suppose to be flourishing already?) And it is actually true that I get motivated by recognition and also security. But then I am a humble and kind person, so there is nothing to worry about. 

I was rather glad no one in the group was dominant and overwhelming. Thankfully we have some instinctive communicators who are naturally expressive and good at influencing others positively. And also a cautious, analytical person who has high standards and a structured/systematic way of doing things. Funnily enough, after looking at the fine details, I thought that the other three categories had more value (in contributing) in a team than my category. But I loved the fact that the category actually did a good job of explaining me to myself! For the others, it was a little more vague, and perhaps also because I did not have any expectations or smart guesses for which category I reckon they would end up in, it was just a process of amusing discovery. Whether the test results hold water for them, I know not. 

What made me happy today was the appreciation and kind words we all received from one another! It was really heart warming that people see you in a good sense, as a likeable person. Sometimes, I really wonder how I deserved their kindness as I've mostly just kept to myself. 

Now, if only I could: be more interactive, be firm in making decisions, take up new challenges, and be able to let go!