I saw three ships come sailing by

sailing by... sailing by.... 

I saw three ships come sailing by, 

on Christmas day in the morning. 

Now that I've got it ALL sorted out, I need to list them down. For memories' sake, or just for the record. Only these three ships had a certain degree of influence or impacted on my life, so here goes nothing, nothing at all but a tiny chronicle.

An unlucky-in-love girl, unfortunately I'm no Taylor Swift. I don't have her talent or beauty, I'm just plain, simple me. And I hope that's enough to make people happy. Don't ask of me what I can't give. Otherwise, I am very kind and nice and willing to take chances. Please appreciate me for who I am, thank you very much. And I will do what I can, only to make the world a better place:)

For fun, all encounters will be related to Taylor Swift song lyrics (either wholly or partly)! It's because Taylor Swift takes the cake of songwriting when it comes to feelings about love, boys and relationships!

ONE. Unrequited love. He's the guy, Drew from to Taylor's Teardrops On My Guitar. Like Tay Tay, I fell for him real hard but he found his Juliet right in front of my eyes. Like the real story of Drew, in which Drew eventually found out how Taylor felt (2 years later!!!) and asked her out (which she declined), I encouraged him and cheered him on when he expressed interest in dating the girl, got really heartbroken when they actually started dating seriously, and confessed my feelings before they finally became a real couple (went official). I knew that my words would have no effect on his feelings or their relationship, and I did that not because I wanted to stop them (it would have made no difference whatsoever), but because I just wanted him to remember me, wanted him to have an idea of how he had made my feel all this time. He gladly hear me out and didn't interrupt my whole confession, that was so nice of him. I was so happy, I was just thinking to myself, at least now he knows. He thanked me for being so nice and supportive. I played the good sport from the beginning to the end, sincerely, with no hard feelings for either him or his gf. There's a Chinese song lyric that says, 不是你的就不要免强. And I managed it. Some time later, we exchanged casual greetings again and funnily enough, it was as if I almost didn't know him anymore. He's the same person as before, but now I'm seeing him entirely differently. His smile doesn't send off fangirl-elation in my mind. Yay, I have successfully blew out this candle!

"Teardrops On My Guitar"

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about

And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny 

And I can't even see anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

And there he goes, so perfectly,

The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight, give him all her love

Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause

[Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light

I'll put his picture down and maybe

Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

He's the time taken up, but there's never enough

And he's all that I need to fall into.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

TWO. Double crosser. He's quite the popular, endearingly NICE guy, a real classy gentleman that everyone knows and loves and adores. Who would have thought that beneath all that admirable exterior lies something more... unpredictable. Even now, I still believe that no one could outright hate him. Even if you'd gotten betrayed by him, you would still automatically defend him and say, 'oh, I'm sure he's got his reasons.' Strange. Very few people could boast of such a charisma, but it was not his looks that got him spared and sung praises irregardless of what he does, it all boiled down to his personality- which is real character. Kind, generous, giving, helpful. I must have been REALLY unlucky. For I was the one and only girl that he hurt. I'm not sure why it turned out like that between us. It isn't exactly a Back-to-December tale either, because both of us appreciated what the other person were. If was more like a fallout, because he wasn't really that honest with me and he was dating someone else when he was hanging out with me. Reminiscent of the chorus of Forever and Always, because a double-crosser is someone who says something to your face, but are doing something entirely different behind your back. 

'cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn't mean it baby, you said forever and always... yeah

White Horse tells the story very well and also Fifteen because I fell for the trap so easily as he was a guy so trustworthy, I drank up all his words and believed in the whole fairytale. 

"White Horse"
Say you're sorry

That face of an angel

Comes out just when you need it to

As I paced back and forth all this time

Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on

The days drag on

Stupid girl,

I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus:]

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,

Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Maybe I was naïve,

Got lost in your eyes

And never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn't know to be in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand

I had so many dreams

About you and me

Happy endings

Now I know

[Chorus:]

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,

Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

"Fifteen"

Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen

Feeling like there's nothing to figure out

Well count to ten, take it in

This is life before you know who you're gonna be

Fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall

I've found time can heal most anything

And you just might find who you're supposed to be

I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

I never had a chance to be mad at him for what he did (toying with my emotions carelessly- whether intended or unintended), I didn't had a chance to talk it out and demand a face-to-face explanation. Come to think of it, he's quite a timid guy when it comes to confrontations. But then it didn't matter because I chose to believe the good in him. We always got on really well at talking, normal conversations, it's just quite sad if I let my feelings taint that great connection we had. So I chose to not take it personally, not making a fuss at all, not turning it into a big issue for him, but from then onwards I was more self-aware and more judgmental because I realize that blind trust can backfire when it comes to dating, as there are some guys who just love to take advantage of lonely women. I don't have a shred of hatred for him at all, instead I was glad that I had such a gentle awakening and sharpening of senses due to this small incident. I had him agree to pretend that nothing had happened in the past and for now, we're on friendly turf again. 

THREE. Fling. He is the most fluent in English compared to any other and therefore, FB chats with him are totally enjoyable and he gets everything I say at lightning-speed and usually has a good witty comeback to make as well. The excessive use of emoticons and text-based conversations isn't the most thrilling aspect you would want from a date, but apart from that, he really does nothing to get my heart racing in real life. I'm quite good at getting giggly at Skype conversations but in real life, keeping that up all the time but you are not feeling it from the bottom of your heart gets quite dull. I don't think he is a dull person per say, he is quite capable of being much more, I just don't really understand him that well as both of us has not seen each other in another light other than a potential gf/bf. Which is why I broke up with him because we were so incompatible (knowing that and pushing on, it just felt really forced).  

I think that he genuinely cares about me as a person (deduced from to the fact that he constantly tries to catch up with what's happening in my life), but he is continuously trying to fool the both of us into thinking that we are in love with each other. Which obviously isn't the case. I think it's just infatuation at its best. For us, it's akin to a Haylor relationship. We are not even friends to start with, just dating someone you come across as likeable. I think that it's not a fair thing to do... because all you're doing is hanging out with the guy/girl, just killing time until the right one comes along or until you get bored. At least I ended it early and didn't let it get to the 'I'm just using you for the time being' stage. It's slightly different from Haylor because unlike Taylor, I am not head over heels about him and we haven't really spent that much offline time together. Although I might regret it as a chance that I missed, I Knew You Were Trouble just describes what would have happen if you go into a relationship fully equipped with the knowledge that it isn't right for you- going in for it anyway, and ignoring the red flags- the result is heartbreak, and no, I have no need for that again. I'd rather not get (till you) put (me) down after he flew me to places I've never been, because that would mean that at one point, I was on top of the world, and (as Taylor says it), then suddenly the ceiling caves in, the other shoe drops, and the floor gives out underneath- and I would have cursed myself thinking I knew this was going to happen. Why did I agree? Thus, shame on me.

It's a fling alright, and it would be best to leave it at that since we've mended the riff after the breakup, attempting to do more would just be a disaster. 

"State of Grace"

We are alone with our changing minds
We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds or fades in time

This is a state of grace
This is the worthwhile fight
Love is a ruthless game
Unless you play it good and right

I know that we crossed paths for a reason. Hopefully, future endeavours will fare better for me.