Spirit of A Dove

I'm the master of my sea, the driver of my destiny~

Peace is an attainable thing. While leaders worldwide are striving and calling for peace, it is important to look inwards and focus on finding your own inner peace, calm and serenity.

One person whom I use to talk to almost everyday and admire very much had one loving quality about him- he was unfazed by anything, cleverly cunning and smart, yet had an unassuming air of cheeriness. Sometimes, when he was pushed to his limits, he would seemed worn out and rough at the edges. Him falling silent was the thing I hated the most, as I missed his teasing and inquisitive mind. There was a day, just before I was due to rush off to a client meeting that he called me over. Papers in hand with a furrowed look, I came over and waited to see what he wanted to ask. 'What would you call, a group of ants?'. 'Swarm?', I replied. 'It could also be called a nest of ants,' he mused. Then he proceeded to ask me the nouns for elephants, birds, and crows. It left me going to my meeting which a light hearted, joyous feeling. 'Cacaphony', I texted on the way down, referring to crows, which he has enlightened me that it was called 'a killing of crows'.

However, that person that we came to cherish faded away. With our new jobs commencing, we were no longer of value. And thus, our importance, or in fact, our entire relevance, diminished by the passing second. The next meeting was in a group, for which I was glad for at first, then came to realise that he had nary a conversation with either of us. His focus was entirely elsewhere. Except for some old (recycled) jokes, and the asking of Ed Sheeran tickets, we had no direct communication.

There is a quote I came upon that says, 'Change is not something that we should fear. Rather it is something that we should welcome. For without change, nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom, and no one in the world would become the person they were meant to become.'

Change has certainly been the constant in my life for the past three weeks. From the heartbreaking goodbye, and feeling the distance in our friendship growing if ever so slightly, I had to learn to compartmentalise these emotions. Yes, of course, I am scared to be lonely, and starting anew is indeed a nerve wracking feeling. So far, while the work has not piled up high yet, the gravity of the situation meant that I cannot afford to lose my mind over anything, and must step up and assert myself in a way that I have never done before.

On the plus side, my bold deed of giving blood and self proclaiming stakes in yoga and fitness had certainly gained the right attention and positive ties to kickstart my working life here. Only that, working for the government isn't exactly trendy amongst my age group and certainly not something you would want to shout about at a youth networking event. Sometimes, I will explain that I was from Edelman to not give away my current identity, and just giving a vague description about doing in-house marketing and communications.

On more of the plus side, not having a direct manager gives me a lot more freedom and less scrutiny. I am happy, if not elated that I will be taking charge very soon. This gives me power to call the shots, without the weight of a managerial role on my head, yet sharing the same responsibilities. I'm going to go solo one day, but for now, it's up to me to lead an overconfident and know-it-all intern, and a very old old-fashioned man with a booming voice. In one of my earliest memories of HP meetings, I remembered him having to present right after someone older with a confident booming deep voice, it was authoritative and powerful, yet pleasant. Going after his turn, he seemed so much like a teenager, yet he pulled his weight, and was slightly annoyed when I praised the other person's presentation instead of his. It was one of those humorous moments in the aftermath, but while we were still in the battlefield, it was really nerve wrecking. It was amazing that he simply took it on and conquered it, without much preparation or time to think. It was all about confidence (even if you had to fake it) and really believing in your own words as they leave your lips.

'It's not about whether you can or cannot, it's about whether you want to do something and put in the effort.' Put in effort to the maximum extent, the rest is down to a bit of luck and using your influence (whether it is charm, good looks, or persuasiveness). Perhaps what I needed wasn't a final parting and  heartfelt/sweet-and-sorrowful send off (as there can never be permanent goodbyes anyway). What I needed was a way to remember that even a childish and happy-go-lucky person (who just wants to play games on his mobile all day and drink away on weekends ) can do well, can take charge and lead, can be ambitious, can have motives and play 'the game', and can earn respect for what he's worth. Doing all that and still enjoying a carefree life, that's #lifegoals!

Things that I'm grateful for ending this week:
-Discovering good soulful/acoustic love pop-music on Spotify
-Simple things in life like having breakfast with my lovely family, having an indulgent dinner, and savouring home made fresh nutrient packed juices
-Able to donate blood (a cool thing to do on my first day)
-Hiking FOR WORK. Free hiking bag and beautiful photography book (coffee table book) <3
-Cute potted plants (+purple orkhid) and a nice drive out to old-quaint, kampung-like Sg Buloh
-Someone asked me out for lunch on week 2! :) (Could be a one-hit wonder and one time thing but grateful nonetheless)
-Jogging. He actually did 3.7 km with me. The Bukit Jalil park is gorgeous and huge.
-Food in the pantry in new office. Shower room (clean and functional!) in the washroom in new office.
-Passing my Hiragana test! Something I've been frantically fearful of for weeks on end:)
-Geting inspired by @norsoraya and getting a reply back to my comment. 'It was to tag them once I've perfected and posted my flow' XD