Ok, I was supposed to be researching materials for my advertising essay until I stumbled upon someone's blog about marriage. The topic was a fresh one, about how he thinks his wife married the wrong person- a.k.a. him.
First, what caught my attention was the term 'till death do us apart'. This term which is uttered in every marriage vows with the 'I do', followed by the exchanging of rings and a kiss almost feels like a compulsory saying with no real value. My mind automatically jump back to my parents- how they really fullfilled the vow- till death do us apart. During that time, Dad never once stopped caring. Never once did he complain about being tired, never once did he get moody or express exhaustion or frustration, this is the only instance in my life I really witness someone duly keeping their words until the end.
In my mind, I imagine a young Mom and Dad, all dressed up in their wedding costumes, and exchanging the very same intimate vows in front of close family members and friends. Who would have thought that life would be so cruel. But at least, Mom left behind four healthy and wise children, all knowing how to take care of themselves, all independent. I am really moved that Dad has the kind love and patience that a spouse can only provide. Their romance might have been relatively sweet and simple, and not overly dramatic and passionate or wild like in Hollywood movies, but this time, the showcasing of feelings can be seen through the devout love and care, the time and patience laboured, it is so real that no one can deny that this is another form of true love.
That is what marriage should really be all about. I think it is as simple as love and commitment. And obviously working to make things right despite the little flaws, mistakes, or annoying habits/views that a person has. After all this (plus discussion with Rose and Yan), I want to believe in the Chinese saying of fate and destiny. And getting married or getting into a relationship is not about showing off, unlike dating, where the time can whiz past with some fancy outing, or some dinner-talk-drink situation. Getting married and getting into a relationship is ultimately about real commitment, where one has to be prepared to take responsibility for the other person, and take his/her life into account like a close-knit family member would. To tolerate each day with the same person, alone, in one house sounds terribly scary, but the thought of being a mother and raising kids, making meals, etc. sounds very warm and endearing.
The blog was on about how they can never exist a perfect soulmate, and to look for that in a spouse/partner is wrong as no one can completely fullfill another person's criteria in all terms during marriage/co-exisitng together under one roof. I agree in that no one is perfect, and maybe no one can completely be the person you're looking for, but I think chemistry and mutual understanding is very important. Even in the dating stage, these things can be seen through. I must have the highest comfort level with the person I were to marry. And of course, the marriage vow is really something serious to consider, although a proposal seems romantic and carefree, like 'I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you'. This can only be appropriate if you feel like you truly know and understand the person, regardless of the duration of time you spent together. Even within a short amount of time, you can learn a lot of things about the person if both of you are able to truly communicate. Marriage means that you are really ready to be with the person, and continuously put up with each other, even if you drive each other crazy with annoying habits. I suppose it is wise to think twice before marriage, but it is alright with a long-term boyfriend that you find that you really have no qualms spending an entire week, month or year with.
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