Happy 2018.
Three long months have passed since I logged in to update this blog. This personal space where I could think freely. A creature of habit, I am. Although I have regained my laptop, I still use my phone all the time, typing on my thumbs. As with other years, breaking habits is still my challenge. The constant drill to be more productive, to spend time more meaningfully, and then on the other end of the spectrum- there is the anime-consuming, manga-reading (now thanks to little Imouto) otaku self of mine that wants to lie in bed all day while the sun slips away, along with precious time.
Just the other day, while flying back from the cruise (it was a wonderful time as we went through a phone detox)- I picked up a copy of the local paper that had gaming addiction as the cover page story of the day. Gaming addiction is where players forgo sleep, time with others (socialising), and even basic hygiene in order to devote themselves completely to gaming and games alone. While I am easily capable to fall into that trap (anime/fantasy novels substituting gaming), my saviour tends to be my family- who will inundate me with tasks or family outings that I can’t miss (often revolving around food), and of course his daily phone calls (usually at night) that gets me to focus on my life and interactions. Ocassionally, instead of scrolling through social media feeds, I turn to music (Spotify) and lyrics for inspiration, or even browse lifestyle and travel articles to read. I guess my point is that occasionally needs to happen more.
While looking for my own blog, by some weird coincidence, Google only returned search results of Onii-chan’s blog. With Onii-chan’s narratives, I travelled back to my graduation day, my 2013 Melbourne Taylor Swift and Adelaide plus Kangaroo Island trip. How long ago that seemed! It was also surprising to read his writing tone, which still sounded very young, almost like a little lost child, but then I guess we all have a little lost child residing somewhere in our adult minds. He gained my respect as he did not detail but gently paint out his feelings on being the first born making his way out of the family house, the safe place called home, and all his adult struggles way outside the comfort zone. About how he wants to stop doing reigns that are not productive (sounds familiar?). All this time, I am really surprised he found time to sit down, withdraw from the world for a moment to reflect and write. I actually think a daily dose of writing (read: creation) is more healthy than a daily dose of social media (read: comparison). Onii-chan’s last post ended with wishing Okaa-san Happy Mother’s Day, which struck me as a surprise since he was always the one insisting that we should start calling our Aunt Okaa-san. Maybe his actions betray his real feelings after all.
Speaking of which, I also went down memory lane quite unexpectedly and unplanned and delved into my beloved world of Fushigi Yuugi- the first anime that I deeply love and cherish till the end of time. I may have been 13, 14 or 15 when I first fell head over heels with the beautiful love story of Miaka and Tamahome- with the crazy insane beautiful sad love song that is Wakatte Ita Hazu. Whenever this track plays, I am transported to Miaka and Tamahome’s world, and the crazy things they did for each other in the name of true love. It is strange that unlike little Imouto, I did not mind one bit that Miaka is always the damsel in distress. She might have a weak body- unable to fight and fend for herself when danger calls, but when sacrifice is needed, she never hesitated, for the sake of those she loves. I love the idea of always protecting each other, no matter your body condition. What I did learn this time (watching when 25), is that I can’t help but notice that while they love each other dearly, they had to suffer over and over again, either by each other’s own doing (that is when it stings the most- e.g disappointments, broken promises, not communicating well, plus the time Tamahome became evil), there were also setbacks by others (her own best friend), the universe and Gods, even the worlds they were living in. I guess this anime captured my heart because no matter the pain and amounts of suffering, Tamahome was always there, he would always show up, openly professing and declaring his love- with Miaka in various stages of dress (and undress!). In real life, love is often left unsaid and undeclared (unless ir’s the wedding day). It is more like a Hak-Yona (initial) situation, where things are often uncertain- with tons of misunderstandings, fights, self-doubt and partner-doubting and future-doubting. But I think my (hopefully wise!) 25 year old self can now draw a parallel- the lover alone doesn’t cut it. As much as our characters would want it, the lover alone doesn’t cut it. Yes, he may be everything, and the world can’t revolve around one person. It is possibly a dangerous threat to sanity if things go wrong. Miaka has Yui (she even took courage. It to run away and finally sorted things out between her and her Mom), Sophie has Aggie and vice versa, while most impressive of all- Yona has a duty to protect her kingdom and stepped up to change herself- from being a privileged spoiled princess to being a hardened warrior (archer!), and even negotiating treaties and peace between kingdoms. Whike escaping into fantasy for too long isn’t quite the wise thing to do, it is through them that I sometimes get inspiration. I know that little Imouto is the biggest winner of hearts in my world, with the rest of my family completing the picture, and N-kun plus my precious few friends who matter.
This year, I have to think hard about what I want to accomplish. I know that Ed and badminton days are long gone, those are now memories that I have to hold and cherish. Since I might not come into contact with my once-mentor, I will go back to Square One and remember the things he taught me. I also dreamed that AK-kun appeared in my dream to help me big time, although I can’t remember anything else of what happened, I knew he extended his help to me. Well, things are going to change- wait, the already did change for good. The older peeps aren’t much on social media, and to my surprise AK did not post a new year update. J is going to become a husband and someday a Dad, so will T. With that, I must also bid farewell to my safety cocoon, which has sheltered me for my youngest years of breaking the ice. Thanks to mentor AK for all the Do’s and Don’ts, all the frustrations and trust and guidance, and putting up with my crying and giving me all those silly, funny moments. While the chapter closes, I want to touch on the lessons I picked up so that I might not forget them.
1. Read. Knowledge is your owned weapon and asset. (Similar to owner and paid media, here is my deduction. Paid assets will be trainings given by the company, while owned assets are the ones you cultivate yourself, most commonly knowledge obtained by reading).
2. Be humble and hungry (As a wise man once said...). Always believe in yourself and give it a try no matter how scary the project/assignment/presentation looks. People will see your effort through your preparation (in the best case senario). In the worst case scenario, learn from mistakes and failures and motivate yourself to perform better.
3. Let nothing faze you (Nothing fazes him. A gym buddy, his old friend once said and firmly believed- knew in his heart in fact-that AK was to be much more)
4. Manage up and down. And be yourself.
The conclusion for this post- I’m always learning (Concidentally he said ‘I’m still learning’ when I sought him to give him praise). Be it from fictional characters, from my big bro and little sister, from my once-mentor, from my own mistakes and fears, I’m always learning. Learning to be a better person to lead a more fulfilled life.
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