What It Takes

Before I can be a Mother (Or to instill some sense of purpose in my life), I will need to: 

• Regulate my sleep
• Regulate my emotions
• Have patience
• Have discipline
• Set time and money aside
• Have a consistent home fitness routine
• Other pick-me-up routine (imagine being in pandemic lockdown and not being able to leave the house, what can I do to improve my home life? Binge watching and doomscrolling cannot be counted)

What I heard from Polly:

• Husband's commitment wavered (big time!). Examples: no longer wants to come home early (only comes home at midnight to avoid responsibilities), doesn't share the feeding baby or soothing baby routine when baby wakes up in the middle of the night crying, Mom has to do it all alone every single time (with no help). 
• Fights and incompatibility on parenting styles, disagreements on responsibilities, tempers and irritations
• M.I.A.  total and complete withdrawal and abandonment of the family (temporary but the emotional damage is done)
• Leading to divorce
• Regrets about having kids: Husband claims that he doesn't like kids (after attempting to care for one). Polly said there is no actual reason to have a kid, unless you really think you love kids. In her experience, it makes her exhausted and unhappy.

What I heard from Sammi (my facial therapist):

• Had a facial this week and she chatted on as usual while doing my treatment. She mentioned a friend her age, in his 20s who had passed away, leaving behind 2 twin boys, due to cancer. 
• She concluded that life is short so you should do what you want to and not care about what people think, because you're living your own life and not theirs (and vice versa- they are also not living your life in your shoes). 
• We also chatted about how it's important to have common things to do with your partner, cultivating a common interest. For me, it's nicer because we started at the same level and our skill level remains the same. For her, her partner is leagues ahead and she's struggling to keep up - so it's a bit of a challenge, but it still works. 

Wrap Up: 

• Which means, in the end, if I choose to have a kid or not, it is between my husband and me, and not whaat everyone else thinks. 
• Right now, strangely, I'm feeling a little bored of social media and entertainment content (perhaps buying a new game might help?). Doomscrolling doesn't seem to do much for me, and then I'm onto online scrabble (playing against the PC), and Duolingo Japanese, which is done around 15-30 minutes. 
• Does it mean, now that, I no longer have my yoga teaching side gig, we should do something together on weekday nights? If he's not working night shift that is. Should it be something sporty or something intellectual?