Fallen Star

It was the end of the road . No sooner had my favourite X Factor contestant, Drew Ryniewicz got booted out of the competition, the same fate awaited me when I dutifully prepared for my last chance to shine on stage.

Auditions, rehearsals after rehearsals, all boiled down to nothing as my chance of bowing out gracefully with a beautiful exit disappeared up in flames.

For inexperienced performers like yours truly, it was an entirely different atmosphere backstage.

Fidgeting nervously and awaiting our turn behind the red curtains, it was quite impossible to fully enjoy and savour the wonderful performances of our peers as the constant reminder that item no.__ is on stage dictated the countdown to our turn. Waiting has never been so uneasy; as one flawless performance follows after another, the pressure is on, and tiny doubts light up.

When it was finally our turn to take the stage, my hands had turned cold and clammy but my confidence level was still fine. I had practiced the piece countless times until it sounded perfect. With sheet music in hand, what could go wrong? That was, until I made that mistake which caught me off guard and ruined the (what-could-have-been) flawless performance I knew we were absolutely capable of delivering.

(Sing! Akon's Blame It On Me: You can put the blame on me, you can put the blame on me, you can put the blame on me, yeah you can put the blame on me)

Because I flipped to the third page instead of the second, it faltered really badly right after the intro. Simply put, the bass was still singing the Persian Market's tune but the melody had gone off track completely, even playing a different verse before it regained composure.

It could have been much worse if it had been a piano solo, but being a piano duet, my duet partner salvaged the performance by covering up my mistakes. Like what a pro should do, I carried on and gave everything I had to overshadow the mistake. Of course, the mistakes made were only a small part of the entire piece. The non-music literate would have barely noticed, but the music-literate would no doubt spot the error if they were paying attention.

At any rate, with our backs to the audience, we did not have the slightest clue (other than the polite applause at the start and end) to their reactions, expressions, or even if they were paying attention. Not that it really mattered, since the audience was composed entirely of parents, students, teachers, children and staff of the music school.

I was still depressed that we didn't nail it. The only comfort was that we managed to pull off/execute all the fast parts pretty well, even playing much faster than we originally intended (Andante turned Allegro for instance), which hopefully created excitement and liveliness for the otherwise mediocre/lacklustre performance.

Ironically, I did not shine like a star, which was the theme of the concert, but I'd rather not dwell on it. Unsatisfying, but finally I can say I am done and over with it.