Skating really helps. It really moves me forward because it is so symbolic. Putting one foot in front of the other and getting up no matter how many times you fall. Standing on your own feet. Mastering the basic movements, or getting somewhere near. There is a quote that says, 'No matter how slow your progress is, you are still making an improvement compared to those who never started, never tried or have given up'. I thought I hated skating, but now I am addicted to the challenge and the nice feeling that you get when you can finally cruise along with each effort you put in.
Skating also illustrates the statement of 'No pain, no gain'. Make no mistakes, learning skating could be a thrilling adventure, but it is inadvertently painful when you fall down on solid ice. It also depends on how you land and how you break your fall when you land, the severity of the injury varies. It is akin to life where there are many things that could knock you over, knock you down, and leave a bruise or cut, deep or shallow. Time heals. Things become normal again, hopefully, after some time has passed. It would be nice if solutions start presenting themselves at the most convenient timing. But we have to search deep within for self transformation. It is no easy feat, but I know I wronged a person and twisted his love out of perspective, to the brink of exhaustion and breaking point. It is my fault, I guess right now, I am not well equipped to deal with the stress and uncertainties that long-distance relationship brings.
Timeline
Morning: Exchange of heated words on Facebook, subsequent talk and break-up on Viber. Consolation on Viber.
Moments later: Reinstallation of Facebook, forgiveness and forgiving on Facebook, promises to keep in touch.
Midnight: Checking up on me. Normal texting. Warm talk, caring, loving, forgiving, sticking to decision, let things run its course.
Daytime feelings: Sadness, sorrow, loneliness, desperation, tears, tears leaking whenever something tender comes to mind, crying and regretting.
Night: Desperation, still hoping to win him back, pleading, talking, bargaining, learning my mistake, coming to terms, respecting his decision, pulling out, retreating with the faintest glimmer of hope, promise to keep in touch still stands. Listening to Taylor Swift songs, surprised that there are no more tears flowing or leaking out.
Immediate thoughts: Refrain from contacting to not be an emotional burden. Refrain from contacting to cultivate some degree of emotional independence.
Regime: Keeping busy, books, chores, skating, music therapy, meditation, job hunt, piano skills.
Lessons learned:
Stop complaining and crying. (Avoid draining energy)
Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't go nuts over small details. See the bigger picture.
Emotional stability and complete trust in the other person. This means trusting that they are taking good care of themselves when they are out of touch, don't go crazy trying to contact them. All is well!
Trust them enough to know that they will contact you or check on you whenever able to, even if that means a few days!
No emotional blackmailing or manipulation, pointing fingers and being quick to blame and judge. Always be responsible for your own words and actions, and while others might or might not be, remember that no one is prefect! It does not do any good to accuse and yell (destroys feelings towards each other, disrupts harmony) when one person slips up.
Accept that people need room to breathe, and live their own life (dabble in own interests, meet own friends, or just plain enjoying alone time!) without being affectionate or caring towards you 24/7. No one lives to serves and please you!! Don't use anyone as an emotional outlet as overly high emotional attachment destroys relationships!!
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