It cuts both way. Something that can help you can also hurt you.
I have fallen into a psychological trap.
The very people that I have admired and shaped me into a better person have turned their backs on me and given me the silent treatment.
The cause is undetermined. But I would have to let it slide since they can't be bothered because of their status.
As of now, there is zero chance of real life confrontation.
The superficial relationship is now reduced to dust and the previous kindness/friendliness shown was only obligatory or perhaps out of moral conscience. At least I figured that much.
These people wield no control over me, but they have been a brief, important chapter of my life and their influence/presence is still strongly felt.
I have always recognized my place and knew I played an insignificant role in theirs, barely scratching the surface as I can only view them from a limited perspective. I know so much yet so little about them.
At any rate, my existence is now ignored, yet I am unable to cast the light off the shadows.
I've improved as a result of the exposure they've given me and I will not forget the polite 'thanks' sometimes muttered for my efforts.
It's a different case now. I am outside the circle.
I can't completely dissolve the ties or sever the bonds because no matter how slight or tiny, there exists a form of emotional attachment. Even if it is unknown to them.
Emotional attachment is bad, as the brain is automatically linked strongly to memories. There is no stopping you picturing and thinking of someone in your mind although you try very hard not to. Memories flow like water and no force can withstand it if it decides to gush out instinctively.
The only thing I can think of doing now is to let them forget me and emerge as a new person.
If we happen to cross paths again in the future, we will or might just recognize each other. At best, it will be a friendly exchange of pleasantries and nothing else.
I will always be me and they will always be them.
Nothing will have changed.
Everything, every experience is there for us to learn from.
So although I have never been favoured, merely tolerated, I resolve to not have any hard feelings and will keep my head held high.
That is all.
