The real meaning of graduation

The real meaning of graduation is becoming a full-fledged mature adult.Brilliantly dressed and strutting across the stage, I remember how I beamed with joy and delight, grinning from ear-to-ear while receiving the parchment, indeed that was the most treasured moment in history. Why is a moment a treasured moment? Because a treasured moment, is more often than not, a defining moment. At that point in time, it defined that I am leaving my university years behind. And moving on to the next chapter.

 Through a recent conversation with old pal Stevie Zhi Feng, I realised how much maturity has been build in him. Almost everyone my age seemed more mature and insightful and wiser than me. Even Jolin at times give off an uncanny common sense advice, unblinkingly as though that could be the only truth she could ever think of. It's that simple. Easy-peasy, just don't think too much.

I had a distant memory where I was in RPR Kidurong and we were all doing homework together. Discussing mathematics or Science questions probably, I was a guest in Mei Shi or Yong Hui's house. I later lamented to Mom that we had to do homework on the floor and bed in the bedroom, there wasn't a proper table and chairs for all three of us to study. I think her response was, 'not everyone is like us, just so you know'. Today, I found out that Mei Shi didn't even attend university or any form of higher education. She just studied until Form 5. That kind of struck a chord inside me. Somehow, I wondered if she would think of herself as unfortunate, that it is not fair, as Yong Hui, Chyan, Stevie, Vivien and even Joseph has gone off to uni. Being thrown into the working world just after 17, it is almost an unimaginable concept for me. What could I do? I remembered she was good in Maths and worked at Koperasi, thus I guessed she had no problem finding jobs in sales/marketing, even admin work and organisational skills, as she has a sharp mind and was a quick learner.

At first, I felt sorry for her and felt sad. I don't want to be a parent if I cannot even afford to sent my kids to university to see them develop their dreams, passions, have goals and careers in the future. Take away uni, and you are left at square one. A lot of people said, 'what we studied in uni is actually not that relevant to real work'. I believed that passing the assignments, courseworks and exams itself wasn't the point, even the knowledge itself wasn't the point as much of it was theoretical, but it was about building your reading, researching and writing skills further, creative and critical thinkng, socialising and developing hobbies and interests, along with making lifelong friends and doing fun stuff such as taking part in events, purely for fun and interest, or even for resume building.

I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't attended uni. Sure, I am still confused and lost a lot, always deep in thoughts, but I wouldn't have known anything about the real world, I would be too innocent for my own good. During Foundation year, I was blessed to find and fall into the companion of a group of friends- Poh Li, Rayelene, and Alice (primary), and Yap, Natalie, Hon Mun, Naziha (secondary). The freshman year was very exciting, we were all keen and bubbling with energy. I drove people around a lot. It was nice to be able to do something for them, and it was nice to have my own car. Moving into degree, I still had Alice by my side for a semester or two, met Michel. Alice left, I was seriously being overshadowed by the group of extroverts in the class. I stuck close to Michel, and pretty much kept to myself and away from every single person in the class who is an extrovert. They were nice and amusing to watch, but they were very very hyperactive and loud. I turned to the Anime Society during this period and made some memories there. It was great to contribute as a committee member. I admired all the sempais running the club, and was mostly in awe of YZ and Er Whey. That year, it was quite a drama- with my crush on Er Whey- dashed by Alexis, my crush on Brandon-dashed by Sherry, and Hee who was nice but became a problematic issue afterwards, and the innocent rebound boy whose name I almost forgot. During that time, I learned the patience to deal with people, but still I cried over every single thing that happened to me. Especially about boys, I think Michel was sick of counseling me and giving me advice. I wasn't the best visitor too, as I visited Mom everyday, I would pour out my emotions and complains one after the other as she sat and ate and sympathised with me in the hospital bed.

It was a huge relief then the time I came to Adelaide. City dwellers and lots of international students would no doubt lament of its sleepy small town status. But I was overjoyed that everyone I met was so friendly and approachable. None of them seemed to me as a team of bunched up extroverts, not open to others. It was my time to socialise, randomly being brave and making friends during Orientation. I think there was a photographer guy called Josh that we hanged out with at the Zoo, as well as the outgoing girls Esther and Sandy, and no matter what they had in their personal lives, they still were kind and friendly, and gave you attention when actually having conversation with you. Nesh only came in the picture much later, after I was more or less settled in with Rose and Yap, and getting used to Nafees and him visiting frequently. I want to reinstill that confidence and independence in myself, during my Magill apartment days, I don't think I kept checking my phone every 20 minutes. I slept a lot yes, but I also learned to cook a lot, and did karate a lot. I think I was quite motivated and focused on karate that period, even practising my kata immediately when I got home, I was immersed in that experience, I was left with no room for self-doubt, self-nagging, self-criticizing and over-thinking and over-dependence and reliance on one person or friend. Friendship and relationship ties were important, but I had something to focus on internally (mental attitude and exploring an interest) and outwardly (strengthening, training, physical practice). That was how it was meant to be.

Here, I want to thank him. I knew that without him, I wouldn't have made it on my own during the second half of the year. It was his company I enjoyed the most and looked forward to the most, but once we were in a relationship, it was his actions that drove me nuts, and then I did not take his company for granted, just the opposite. I wanted to take up every bit of his time. Till now, I didn't realise that sort of preoccupation was dangerous and unhealthy. But now, after being in an LDR for a while and having been booted off to a psychology session, it was an eye-opener. The fights are honestly almost non-existent in LDR, and if handled with care and maturity, the relationship would actually blossom as we are having such a positive light of each other. A quote that says, 'We don't go through life, we grow through life'. Similarly, Socrates said that 'an unexamined life is not worth living' while Nesh said something to Bianca that implied that "Living without challenging yourself (an unchallenged life) is not the purpose of life". He doesn't want a life where everyday just passes by quietly and peacefully, he wants a life full of exciting possibilities and challenges that keeps him on his toes and racking his brains for a method or solution. This man wants to push humanity forwards or contribute to society.

I am quite fortunate to date someone like him. Even Stevie said, 'This kind of mature guy usually has more plans and things to do than try to guess a girl's feelings'. Thus, if I want to be with him, I need to grow and mature as well, like what I did and was doing well in the first place before I turned him into a comfort zone. LDR is me stepping out of my comfort zone and still wanting to maintain our relationship, LDR is about me improving myself. What can I bring to the table? What can I contribute to this relationship? What are my qualities that will lift us and improve us as a couple?
Kindness is good, patience is great, but maturity and understanding is a must. If I want to do this right this time around. I am so thankful to be given a second chance (not for the first time).

In conclusion, all of this wouldn't and couldn't have happened if I hadn't been given a chance to go to uni. To experience mingling with different sorts of people, learning from peers, and encountering wiser, older people yet talking to them with such ease. I really am grateful to Dad for giving me the chance to go overseas. It has been hugely phenomenal for me in terms of teaching me life lessons along the way. I believe that entering the workforce once more, would teach me a lot of life lessons too. Let's toast to the goodness in life, aspiring to be the best version of ourselves, and not worrying and comparing ourselevs to others, lest you are chasing someone else's shadow. Improve your own Self, and the light within you would shine so bright, the shadows cast would be of no consequence, but just reminders that we are all humans.