I feel conflicted. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find and achieve inner peace and die peacefully. Indeed, if you can die peacefully, it means you have done all the things that you think you want to accomplish in this lifetime. However, Nesh thinks that if you live without regrets and die without regrets, then you really have not tried hard enough in life. You have not tried hard and failed, and tried harder and regret certain things, accomplish certain things and then regret not having done certain things etc. Naturally, the people he put up as examples as all in the category of 'exemplary leaders and innovators' such as Steve Jobs and other 'tokoh', all the great people we pay tribute to who has pushed humanity forwards.
Recently, in the movie Avengers, the bad guy Ultron, said that the human race is doomed to fail. It has to be wiped out in order to start a clean slate, and to be completely destroyed before it can become good. I think that, in simple terms, if a programme is bad, people usually scrap it, and create a more efficient one, an entirely new program in place, but slightly based or having similar features from the existing model.
Time is an illusion. Einstein said, time never changes anything. It is people who have changed the way things are, the Earth did not evolve on its own to become what it is today. It's just incidences and events, occurring one after the other that changes things from decades to a new decade. We are still standing upon the same earth that was here millions of years ago, but what has changed is that, we have invented new buildings, new technology. Natural disasters affect the Earth geographically and impact on populations (death toll, extinction, etc.), but the rest really, is up to mankind. If Man seeked refuge in caves before, then they had learned to build huts. If Man build huts before, they have now learned how to build towers and skyscrapers. Therefore, it is not that time changed anything. We changed.
At the end of the day, I realised that after reading Taylor's post, it is not a need, it is a want that keeps relationships solid. At that point of your life, you really don't need anyone anymore, as everything is complete and you are generally very happy with the way your life is, but then you make some space, because you want to be in the other person's company, you want them to be a part of your life. I guess I've heard this many times before, but the naivety and immature me still thinks a partner makes a complete whole. Guess after having gone through so much heartbreak, Tay finally learned it the hard way. I have yet to know where my fate lies and how things will turn out, but now I'm entirely convinced it is not a matter of time, or the issue of time and timing and right timing, but it is about how much we both have changed in that time we are away from each other.
I know that he hates shallow people who live their lives without learning anything and challenging themselves, and he would even distance himself from people like Sandy- who looks like she's always having tons of fun, partying, diving, travelling, and never slowing down- purely because he thinks they are living a very shallow lifestyle- to him, it is not worth it. Therefore, Tash must be some sort of pure genius, or with similar wit and sarcasm- to be able to talk to Nesh everyday and hold long conversations without fail. Knowledge wise and mentally, I am still miles away from Nesh, even though I am his match by kindness at heart and goodness in character, I do need to step up my game if I were to become his life partner. Otherwise, I will keep feeling inferior and dumb each time he mentions an issue that I know naught about, or in case (which I very much predict) his family would be the same type of people who goes on about UN debates, social and political issues.
Our experiences makes us who we are. I really am not that kind of person. I am a fun loving person, who seeks comfort in the beauty of people and Nature, in kindness and all things good, positive and inspiring and deeply values loved ones and people who care about me, I will treat them right. However, in order to become an adult and a global citizen who is not living in the dark ('Those who do not know the past are bound to repeat it"- Not just the past, the present issues that are pressing, it seems too!), it is essential to know all these things. Although probably no one other than Nesh would question me about it, I do wish that he keeps things lighthearted sometimes, but then, this is who he truly is. He truly cares about the world, world issues and humanity, such a broad global scales, whereas my cares are more individualistic- health, spirituality, beauty and goodness (positivity), quality of life. Sites like The Mind Unleashed would be such a brilliant info source for me to check upon, whereas his would be the ones he calls, 'always go to the source itself' sites such as the BBC, CNN. Guess for me that means reading on World Health Organisation, and Buddhism scripts instead of articles written for a website that is not even credible and cited/referenced.
No doubt we will both change, either a lot, or a little, but our experiences will help us learn and grow along the way, independent and free of each other's influence. Currently, even though we are still frequently in contact, there is no way we have actual influence over each other's lives and thoughts, and beliefs and values, and goals and to-do missions and to-be accomplishments in life. The questions to be asked are: Can we still find common ground? Can we still bond truly and deeply? We don't need one another anymore but do we still want to be part of that person's life?
Love is not forever, and nothing is forever. Things and events keep happening, people keep changing as they react and learn and grow from life events. They either grow closer to you, or grow apart, but the fact is that they are doing it for their own sake, learning and growing for their own sake, not yours. Neither does it concern you even if it does involve you, as you still need to pursue your own meaning- life's truths and challenges, and ever constant changing moments. To have forever, it means that you have to accept everything, and then accept every change that comes along after that, adapting, learning and growing along with it. If one person changes so much and you remain stagnant, it might not be a good or bad thing, but you still have to enter their new perspectives in order to keep up with their changes. You, who have known and experienced so little, will definitely feel outcasted by the other person who has known and experienced so much that you cannot even comprehend. Do not let yourself be ignorant, whilst ignorance is bliss for some, for others, being ignorant by your own choice means being a simpleton who does not wants to expand his limited knowledge.
I know, if I want to be with you and not get left behind, I have to stay up-to-date, not necessarily be creative or innovative, but at least able to think for myself and be resourceful and stand on my own feet independently. He wouldn't want to be with me for a lifetime just because I'm nice. It's that that simple. It's about someone who can understand you and have amazing quality conversations which will make spending quality time together much more amazing to look forward to (after the initial romance and butterflies have faded). Looking to build the in-depth quality that you so love, hun. Hope to get there soon, somewhere soon, be in your league and have you look up to me and respect me as well, for what I do, what I love to do, what I know, and what I don't know. (Which is a whole lot and greatly dissatisfies you at this point, I know)
Awareness is the first step to change.
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