Today marks the first time we've met in a couple of months since the lockdown! I need to document this here :D
My beau's personality is so easy-going and winsome. The entire stress-free and conflict-free date from beginning to end makes me feel really relieved and light, it feels like I am dating my best friend!! So is THIS how it feels like? Kind of sweet and simple. Cheerful on a whole. Sometimes lukewarm, but never dull. For instance, I always turn to Fadz for fun catch ups and a little bit of chatter and Qian for more in-depth/spiritual conversations and personal development/self-love.
When I am with my beau, it feels like a combination of several people who have my best interests at heart (parent+friend+family- the caring and simple honest communication and of course, a lover+boyfriend- the sweet/nice gestures).
Quite different from the power struggle that I was used to where it would always be hotly contested on whose opinion or method is superior or right + anxiety (around communication/separation) + tip toeing around tantrums/tempers/withdrawals/fights, over here in this current reality with my beau, none of these troubles exist! It is just a warm ball of healing light energy! *Heal *Heal
For instance, there is no issue when I take a nap while he cooks. And while I am being calculative and watching every penny that we spent like a hawk, he is ever so gracious to let go of the little things like:
-Paying for parking
-Paying for my batteries (that was not part of his groceries list)
-Being OK with paying first and not asking to split the bill immediately- it's around RM53 (but giving a hint asking for a treat in return in a friendly/teasing tone)
-And yes, giving in to buy the safe item at my request. Even taking a very full on responsible and happy tone, with chips and all to avoid any awkwardness on his end with the cashier.
-Buying and gifting me a brand new book (more on this later)
-Non monetary effort and contribution, such as cooking, cleaning, washing up WITHOUT my help/involvement and feeling 100% okay about this. Even asking me to sleep/nap while he is at it.
I am very grateful and he always teases me about having a handsome beau who can cook at the same time- what a win for me! But he doesn't do that in a derogatory manner, and I carefully note that while commenting about his weight (fat etc.) and hair, I should also adapt this example and not go too far to include negative words (such as ugly). Fat is okay because he uses the word first.
And also love how he prepares meal from scratch, a homemade meal like how my Aunt or parent would do it, which is a super tedious chore by all means (the cutting, chopping, peeling, marinating etc. then cooking- boiling, frying, washing the pots and pans etc. before the actual meal can be served). When we go out, we can act like both friends and lovers- holding hands and walking everywhere (I saw couple actually swinging their arms together like little kids lol!). When sat on the table, we are able to keep a conversation going over yummy food and simply ponder on some idle chatter about life. This is repeated as well during post-coital cuddles where the vibe is just warm and very chilled and relaxed.
Omg, while there is no reason to go GAGA about him, since I am getting very used to his height and his good looks, this factor is a game changer! He is intuitive, thoughtful and THINKS FOR MY SAKE...:
-He actually picked up the parking card from his housemate just to make it a nicer experience (hassle free) for me to park at his apartment (I have been going the visitor parking route countless time so this is a nice touch although not a necessity! He is going the extra mile to do things that are not needed but would enhance our meetups, and that is gold!!)
-He actually listens, considers, and thinks of my problems. The various times where I vent about the source of my stress, my hatred of other people, my thirst to be superior and be acknowledged, and my envy of successful friends!! Instead of trying to change me directly and talking to me as an advisor/senior, he bought me a book on that topic! >3
-He had listened to the audio book twice and still remembers the knowledge fresh. He actually bought a book just for me and signed it in the foreword, saying that that he himself has listened to the book twice and hope that I would find it helpful.
-And if possible, not just read the book but use it wisely (in other words, apply the knowledge).
And in the end, doing the act safely was okay after all. I had a big barrier and stone weight removed as this used to be A HUGE ISSUE (I even considered getting arm implants!). Now I know that we can have fun and I can still be protected and not have to worry myself sick. He did not complain about this and that alone really empowered me by knowing first hand how we CAN WORK THINGS OUT BY BEING UNDERSTANDING, knowing that I am able to speak to him about potentially difficult or unpleasant issue or requesting such favours.
I guess the only thing left is to make sure that (since he is a carefree happy lad) I focus on my happiness and well-being, being really WHOLE as a person. So that when we come together, we will have loads of things to share, to talk about, and to enjoy each other's company. And not to mention, being supportive when someone embarks on a quest or encounter something particularly challenging.
I must say that the carefree, easy dates has really been a breeze and I look forward so much to it. I thought it would be predictable because my beau seems like a predictable and straightforward guy, but he has a upbeat and optimistic personality as well! Such as not wanting to cut his hair (growing it for whatever reason/fancy on his whim) and ignoring everybody else and sticking to his plan (he got a mind of his own), and showing his empathy and support towards me via a wonderful, sensible (and practical) gift as a guide and helper, with his acknowledgement note inside the cover.
I have never found any reasons to fight with my friends. Every time I meet up with them, be it Fadz, Pauline, Michel, Alice, Rayelene, Polly, it is always catching up to enjoy some good food and talking about what is FUN in life and what is current, and offering support/empathy for anyone facing any issues or challenges (although this person is usually ME). As a rule of thumb, with friends, it is advisable to demand less and forgive more (whether it's just cutting them some slack - not being angry when people do a 'no-show'/last minute cancellation or no reply/slow reply; or giving help when needed- with the exception of not mixing business with pleasure- although this may have changed a little as well).
With my beau, I feel that (this time!!) he could actually be both my friend and my lover!! The compassion is there, so is the listening and caring (with fuss free hang outs), and even down to the (acts of) service such as cooking and shared responsibilities such as budgeting for our dates and treating each other frequently. Just like (when on) trips with Fadz, we are able to rationally and calmly work out contributions and equations. While beau and I have not travelled together yet, so far talking about money isn't a deal breaker, taboo or a fight initiator- and he is just as happy to pick up the tab as he is about being with me.
Willingly and happily doing it without any grudges behind my back or something that could come back and bite me. As a lover, beau is more about intimacy and enjoyment in comfort- a nice big bed and plump pillows- rather than sizzling stunts (e.g. attempting a 'Karma Sutra'). Which is why our positions are the same but with good execution (only comment is that, foreplay could be longer since I really like this- bring touched and worshipped)! Although he doesn't worship me, nor me, him. Maybe acceptance is the key. For now, I just enjoy the feeling of clicking together and feeling safe, warm, protected, and secure. Sometimes I zone out (like in a meditative state!) to focus on only the sensations. With no glorifying and worshipping and stroking my ego, this could be healthier so that I don't latch too strongly on my ego identity of 'asking-for-affirmation-praise-validation-pat-on-the-head-good-girl-star-of-the-show'. And swallow my pride to be more humble, yet still as beautiful and lovely as ever, and even more genuine. I could still feel his eagerness every time and sees his reaction of how he (asks for and) enjoys my act on him. And that is comforting and reassuring.
I guess for guys like him- once they've completed it, they don't really think about it... It's all part and parcel of a loving and healthy relationship where every day, it starts anew- the chance for you to be kind and caring towards your significant other and demonstrate it through various acts, be it checking up daily on their well-being via texts/call, cooking or sharing food, making love on the weekend, or just hanging out with some good food or quality activity. Occasionally, gift-giving with a good intention or an appropriate occasion.
This must be the magic formula to lasting relationships. I really think I have found it! The feeling is REALLY like dating your best friend kind of fairytale! No kidding! From the former story of- instead of a heartthrob artist running wild and sexy (the only fun part) to turning hot and cold with you, the warmest being showing at your near-deathbed, and the coldest being getting dumped and withdrawing from fights and leaving to making up/chasing to you, then in the process shredding your mind to pieces, riding a separation anxiety/esteem hit roller coaster, and driven to half-insanity at some points.... This current reality is a tale where the stranger you meet at first sight is kind, considerate but also firm and decisive- with his own standards/morals/(Stoic) principles (from start to present). Where (a steadily developed) friendship (cautious and attentive) is a stronger point of the relationship foundations than purely satiating adult desires. How extending a helping hand and fulfilling another's concern is more important about following a single person's desire. And how romance is continuously kept alive because of the sweetness of the simple, little kind acts and keen observations (which is later used to help, not to hinder or criticize).
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