Knowing what I know now

Even if we could time travel... knowing what I know now... I wouldn't be the same person as I have all these new memories. In the present time, it's old/faded memories, but if I travel back in time, it would be new/nonexistent memories. 

If I jumped through a time wrap and tried living at some point in the past... I wouldn't be able to behave and act the same way, especially since I have the knowledge of what has already happened to me. Except that this time... I attempt a 'do-over'. The person doing the 'do-over' would still have knowledge of the various happenings in the future... such as the 'new' friends I have now, and 'new' milestones such as a new job, or a 'new' era such as living in a endemic.  

Therefore, for all the reasons above, my conscience would be alive with my present memories. Even if I want to change something in the past, I couldn't hit a 'delete' button to wipe out my memories. So, the best thing is to live with it. Live with your memories- whether in the present or past. And shape your future based on those lessons. 

Knowing what I know now...

1. There is no point trying to be too much of a 'good guy' at work... Avoid and defuse all conflicts... get your professional development and your paycheck, leave the rest. Form real friends if there's a chance. 

2. Know the difference between a satisfying sex life and a satisfying relationship. I had this confused for the longest time as I had thought that one is a representation of the other. 

A satisfying sex life is where you make your fantasies (and your partner's fantasies) come alive. Not every episode is a hit, but there's always a chance of hitting bull's eye. And most important, the getting there part itself is thrilling/pleasurable. 

A satisfying relationship is where the other party is reliable, kind and respectful. They allow you freedom of choice to live your life and have trust in you as their beloved, while genuinely caring to listen about your ups and downs. 

It took a long time to get this. Now I know the difference, I count myself lucky that perhaps I still have a lifetime to work with the former factor. 

3. Translating power and dominance in the bedroom across to real life isn't the best option. As an adult, it is important that you mature on your own, are allowed to make mistakes and decisions and figure out these consequences on your own. Without someone breathing down your neck or judging you or making you feel hesitant to try anything without their approval. Only women in third world countries are controlled by their men, being total subordinates instead of equals. 

4. When relating unpleasant news, do not tell two completely unrelated stories together (in the same setting) as it will create unconscious negative association. Make sure the story has its appropriate moment. Even if you want to save time, lumping different unrelated stories together can make it seemingly tied and affect the outcome. E.g. Showing the family a bad medical report requiring surgery on my end and telling them I have a new boyfriend  in the same breath.  Remember, there is a right time to say everything. 

5. Verbatim VS sugar coating. Adjust accordingly, enough said. Use your wisdom and be mindful of the objective, which is to create the most harmonious, peaceful outcome/reception or positive mindset/relationship. Adjust your actions for anything that would detract from that.  

6. Insecurities. Manage your own insecurities so that these are not projected into relationships or ruining certain outcomes due to uncontrollable behaviour. E.g. your perceived natural behaviour/reaction due to past conditioning cannot be easily relatable to others. And vice versa (exercise patience when someone reacts based on their own 'old wounds' trigger).

7. Empathize, instead of attack. On the same note, don't be afraid to make amends if you are in the wrong (in the first place) but resist being a pushover (doormat). 

8. Make happiness your current reality. Instead of looking to the past and future. Accept and believe that for every decision you regret, another 'you' in the multiverse is living in your place with a different outcome. So don't feel bad! You are just living in one of the many realities so cherish this one.