You're f**ked either way!
Just a matter of which way you get f**ked is slightly more comfortable. When choosing, you are not essentially choosing a 'right' or 'wrong' answer, as there is no such thing! Suffering is written in all the answers. Both choices WILL lead to pain- just different forms of pain and suffering.
Let's picture it now...
Suffering A
- You have the kid(s). Physical deterioration (e.g. body losing shape) and emotional toll (e.g. pregnancy blues or postpartum depression- whatever that is).
-The kid(s) brings on the stress of parenting and the lack of sleep, lack of freedom (restriction on movement) and burns a financial hole.
-Pushing your buttons and there's no emergency brake when you need it. No way to reset things easily which tests your (already thin) patience.
-You may be disappointed with yourself.
-You may be disappointed with the kid(s).
-You may even be disappointed with your partner's approach to parenting. And if you fight about this, bye bye marital bliss and bye bye happy sexy hours!
- You may be tempted to have loud, crazy tongue lashing to reprimand your kid(s) but for the sake of showing who is the real adult and being a good role model, you had to act completely calm and cool (even though you are boiling inside)!
-You may cry about feeling abandoned by kid(s) when they want nothing much to do with you once they have flown the nest (caught up with their work/studies, occupied with friends/bf/gf, moving away).
-You may feel overwhelmed (inside) and unattractive (outside) and vehemently fight this battle with some strategies in place (consult friends and YouTube).
Suffering B
-Nothing changes on your end. Your body is practically the same and your main concerns (main thoughts) are still no different than your 20s (work, eat, rest, play (digital entertainment) and then repeat).
-Meanwhile, everyone or everything else changes. (You may struggle to relate to your friends or peers.) Before that, they were simply too busy to hang out and slow to reply texts/left you on 'read' and never replied until you follow up. Now, even if you catch them in person (which is as rare as once in a blue moon), they fall into these two categories:
1. Ambitious business people / top ladder climber
2. Ambitious parents
Neither of which makes a good conversation since you have nothing of these in common/to offer and swap stories. This isn't the age where you could talk about boys or little rants about co-workers anymore.
-As friends are scare, you turn to family members but you know they are not substitutes for same age friends. Everyone has their own agenda now- younger sister is living her society life while older brother could be married already. And you know you don't want to be stuck talking to the younger brother alone or sitting with your parents alone.
-There isn't a male companion for many many years on the line for you to do couple things, dates, and the likes- not to mention no love life equals to no sex life. At your age, hookups don't cater to you as men are only on the prowl for sweet young things and you certainly do NOT want to feel used and broken like someone's toy. And knowing that you could possibly not even make it to the shortlisted toys list, which sucks.
-You are scared that, later, when it comes to age 45-80, what kind of life is in store?? It's the age where you can't kid yourself about your appearance, nor go around bowling in malls anymore (unless you are with your kids or with a group of friends/at least one other friend!). You don't see or hear older women out and about or even on social media! (unless they are some sort of successful entrepreneur, business mogul or celebrity/influencer). When you're at that age, what kind of life do you have to show for? Seeing that you don't care for material things (how many times do you want to flash a fancy car or house? - if you can afford it in the first place!). You can't forever put up baking videos. And solo travel is lonely and out of the question. Once in Japan at 25 is enough.
-You might envy those power couples since you choose the solo path. Even if someone offers you the company of their flesh, it could be just a brief fling encounter or at the worst, affairs with committed/married people (which you might have even been tricked to think that they were single!).
-Just loneliness and a lot of sleeping on the weekends (even more than you already have)!
The verdict (short):
-A: Despite all this, you will likely have a supportive partner and family.
-B: With all this, you will still end up alone and being lonely.
The verdict (elaborate):
-Suffering A: No matter what, you will always have a family of your own. Whether it turns out ideal or not ideal.
-Suffering B: No matter what, you will always be independent and free, yet feel quite alone and disconnected (from lovey-dovey couples/good looking couples/power couples and families/big families/families with kids) and can't connect well with (previously close) friends (who are now on a different spectrum) as you continue to exist as a solo-ist.
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