What does it take to have love for a lifetime?

 Prompts or lessons:

1. Tuning

Having a great career/marriage yesterday doesn't mean that is true today. We all need to tune in on the daily and listen to the cues. 

2. Understanding

Can two walk together except they agree (having an understanding)? When you have great harmony, you can have a great marriage. 

3. Take your everyday ordinary life (sleeping, eating, working, leisure, everyday life) and place if before God/Universe as an offering. 

Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit in/do things without even thinking/appreciating. 

4. UNDERSTANDING YOU

In humanity, we have weaknesses, there is no perfection in us. Understanding your humanity brings you humility, compassion and understanding and tolerance. Re-examine yourself and your own weaknesses and understanding that neither you nor the other person is perfect. Humility, being humble and empathy. Know that you are not perfect (you are also getting it wrong from time to time) - to extend this grace to your partner. 

5. Understand who you married

Understand their DIFFERENCES and extend empathy, caring, tender, give room for people to be themselves and comfortable in their own skin. 

6. The goal of marriage

To live in harmony in one another and demonstrate empathy and kindness and dearly love one another. Constantly weave differences together. Eg. Different moving paths that needs to converge and weave together. 

7. ELIMINATE THE ISSUE OF SELF

Me, myself and I- if you eliminate this mindset- you will notice that most dissatisfactions comes out of satisfying yourself instead of seeking to understand the goal of your marriage and understanding your partner. LOOK AT THE INTEREST OF THE UNION, NOT THE INTEREST OF THE INDIVIDUAL DESIRE. 

Prioritise what I can give, instead of what I can get. EGO- can be described as edging God out. GET OVER YOURSELF SO THAT YOU CAN REACH OUT TO THE OTHER PERSON. 

8. Men are SIGNIFICANTLY different

Emotionally, psychologically different. Different experiences with friendships (how male friendships form&bond and how women's friendship form&bond) and family upbringing (different treatment of 'sons' and 'daughters'). Some typical examples:

-Men like to get to the point and solve the problem. Women like to talk about the problem and how they feel (even if eventually they don't get a solution right away, they like to felt understood and sympathised for). For men, their priority is getting rid of the problem ASAP, and not talking about it. If they don't have the mood or motivation to solve it, they will turn their focus to self-pleasure/taking space and time off on their own/e.g. man cave/or bro's nights where they just have fun.

-Self esteem. This is subjective but women often need reassurance and compliments to tide over their self esteem (like a wave) and men only want acknowledgement on their accomplishments (when they have done things right or hit a personal milestone- they expect and value praise).  

-Giving. Women counts one act of giving as ONE singular action (e.g. giving two small gifts means taking action twice. More is always better!) but men may perceive it based on the actual monetary value, and not the act itself. 

Having said that, here are some gender-neutral advice:

1. Don't give unsolicited advice

2. Understand people need space sometimes

3. Listen to people when they alk

4. It's the little things that count

5. When someone is upset, don't take words literally-try to understand underlying issue